Fifty First Dates....

Not sure how many of you have seen "Fifty First Dates"...if not, it is a movie about a girl (Drew Barrymore) with strange type of amnesia. Each day, she has to start over, reacquainting herself with her life.  When she wakes up the following day, she has to start over again.


I know it is a streeetch to compare my life to the movie, but each day I find that all my health issues is "news" and I try to make sense of it all... Not happenin'... It astounds me, every day, like I just learned of my problems for the first time.  Today I found myself thinking about it, like every other day, with a feeling of shock.   How can I still be in shock and disbelief after six long years?  It baffles me and I can't seem to get beyond it. 

Not that I'm on a movie kick or anything, but Erica and I used to jokingly (and sometimes desperately serious!!) imitate the big guy (Michael Clarke Duncan) from "Green Mile".  For those who haven't seen it, he is a guy who would sense and absorb evil and illnesses from those around him (I think..it's been a long time since I've seen it).  Afterwards, he would make a sound and release all of the evil he absorbed, out of his mouth. It flew out in the form of swarms of bugs, dust, ashes, etc.  AGAIN, short story long.... I would love to do the "Green Mile"  aaaagggggghhhhhh to expel all that is going on within me.  It would last forever and I would have tears of relief and exhaustion streaming down my face.  

I guess it is not a good sign that I dream about such a fantasy.......but, if you have seen the movie, you might understand...or not :)  I KNOW ERICA UNDERSTANDS!!!! We would do it when we had exceptionally stressful days....  :0 aaaggghhh - get the picture???


Every day is rough, with very rare exceptions.  This has been a bad week, but they all are pretty much the same.  Today started bad, but gradually improved to the point that I was comfortable enough to get on the computer.  I decided to make dinner...again in many stages over the afternoon. Overall, I was in and out of bed for approximately two hours, mostly out of bed. When will I learn?????  I was up too long.  When I went back to bed, knowing I "overstayed my welcome" , I took my blood pressure.  It was ridiculously high, along with my heart rate.  I can't remember exact numbers off the top of my head, but I know my HR was 120.  This is caused by my autonomic nervous system issue and contributes to a more serious issue that lies ahead.  I will talk about that some other time. As for now, I just deleted a long paragraph about it.  Emotionally, I need to switch gears and switch to something more uplifting....


...if my mother were here, she would say "Gabriella, Gabriella, Gabriella" ...and, I have to say it works like magic :)  Speaking of our two year old big girl, the birthday party is Sunday. (I bet you are all so tired of hearing about this major event for me.....my March Madness)  I can't wait to see all the kids - big and babies.  It seems like I haven't caught up with anyone in person in ages.  Luckily, they have their living room sofa that I can use as my VIP area. I guess I need a swagger, or is it just "swagger"....what's a swagger??  So excited, even though my entourage will most likely be made up of stuffed animals....I guess they could call me the same ~ I'll fit right in.


It's been a hard day and I have to get back to bed.  So, as for tomorrow, I guess I'll wake up and say "sick?? who??? me??? wha' happened?????"

After posting this blog and going to bed, I turned on the TV.  The channel was already set for Bravo and, believe it or not, "The Green Mile" was on.  I hadn't seen it in over ten years.  As late as it was, I had to watch it again.  It was a beautiful movie and I needed that...I really needed that.  Soothing dreams here I come....

Update:  6:15 and I'm still waiting for the soothing dreams! I ran out of sheep, now I'll try counting my blessings...and, you all know who you are! XO