Cup Half Full...

Recently, I received a text message from one of my "imaginary" internet friends.  Vicki is also chronically ill with issues very similar to my own.  Discouraged with all that she is dealing with, and no longer participating in life to the extent she would like, Vicki asked me if I ever feel sorry for myself...

...good question.  I hate to admit that I do.  Not all the time, but it doesn't take much for the tears of disbelief to start flowing.  As I told Vicki, I am so disappointed in myself for allowing these feelings to come through.  I have been sick for six years. For most of that time, I was grateful that I didn't get sick when my kids were young, that there are people in worse shape than me, etc.  Lately, I have noticed that those thoughts of gratitude have been fading.

It is amazing how therapeutic putting your thoughts in writing can be.  When I wrote back to Vicki, it was kind of a wake up call for me.  In my typical fashion, Vicki asked me a "yes or no" question, and I wrote a full page response.  What is it about me?????...don't answer that!

While admitting to Vicki that I do have the occasional whine & dine pity party, I also told her about the flip side...kind of going back to my old thoughts that there are so many others dealing with worse things. It is funny that I kept that pushed way in the back of my brain, until I wrote my letter to her.

Just this past week, I have heard of heart breaking stories from friends.  These are some examples of why I need to remember how lucky I am.

My friend Patty Bagnell recently lost her beautiful 39 year old niece, Kelly Reed.  She was struck by a car, while crossing Rt. 130 in Cinnaminson.  Kelly  was a single mother.  Pat's mom also passed away a few months ago.

Our friend, Rosemary, is helping her best friend with a life threatening disease.  Although Rosemary is married and has a young son, she spends one weekend night staying over, helping her friend through the night.

Not to mention, the heartache you see just watching the evening news.  What is going on in Japan and Libya is unimaginable.....and I feel sorry for myself??  When I put it on paper, it doesn't add up....

It never occurred to me to blog about my discussion with Vicki...not until I spoke with my son, Chris, earlier today.


For those of you who are living back "home", you are probably aware of little Trey Love.  The heartbreaking story of a little boy with a rare cancer.  Chris worked with his father years ago and found out about this story through a FB friend.  As Chris was telling me this story, it took all I had not to burst in to tears. While we were still talking, I was mindlessly scrolling down my FB homepage and noticed that my friend Rick Leonetti posted a link about little Trey.  Frankly, it is too upsetting for me to watch and I didn't...couldn't.  

I am a complete computer moron and do not know how to share the link on this post.  I thought I had it, but it said there were "illegal characters". However,  I was able to post the link on my FB page.  If you can,  please check it out and donate to help make this little guy's final days as pleasant as possible.

So, thanks to Vicki's thought provoking question, I would have to say that my cup is not only half full, but flowing over.  

A side note to anyone dealing with heavy problems ~  From speaking to my psychologist about the self pity issue, she assured me that it is perfectly normal and not to feel guilty about it.   I do believe there are times when it all catches up with you and you have to allow yourself time to grieve your own losses.  The important thing is that you don't let it consume you....Vicki caught me as I was on the brink.  Thank you imaginary friend :)