Missed posting on this blog the past few days, but it has been a rough spell lately. It's one of those things that I don't know if this is my new normal, but it kind of is (more than kind of) looking that way. In fact, I think I mentioned this in a previous post. When my symptoms worsen, I have to re-adapt emotionally. It usually take me a while to readjust. I'm in that space right now.
The physical symptoms/cognitive issues have been heavy. However, I was able to get out of the house for around forty-five minutes today, to pick up a few items from the food store. Again, it was like going from the Wizard of Oz black/white inside the house, to beautiful 3-D technicolor (maybe I'll get myself a dream coat...sounds like something I could find at Steinmart...or Bob Mackie Wearable Art from QVC ....QVC'ers would know how yuck, yuck, yuck that is!!) Cathy and her Amazing Technicolor Dream Robe would probably be more fitting.
I don't know if I will ever be able to tell you about an outing, without the Wizard of Oz correlation. It just hits me in the face, as soon as I cross over to the other side! It is remarkable, like an entirely different world, just on the other side of my door. Today was 83, slightly breezy and beautiful. It is so rare that I get to enjoy our beautiful weather. I can't put in to words how it feels for me.
Anyway, I know it definitely wasn't smart for me to leave today. Sometimes, I get so fed up that just I go for it. Unfortunately, it causes a domino effect with my autonomic symptoms, which ultimately effects my BP, thus causing added pressure on my aneurysm.
Today, I wrote to my cardiologist. An e-mail that should have been sent back in December. I need to keep him updated on my BP and its relation to my autonomic dysfunction. A miserable situation, with life altering consequences, post surgery. That is due to the fact that I am a patient with overlapping autoimmune issues. I would love to put my head in the sand...speaking of...
...I have to get to the beach. One of these days, before the summer heat sets in. (one of my symptoms is complete heat intolerance ~ really, really bad) I'll have to bring my beach chair and go to the beach around dinner time and just suck in the beautiful Florida sand, sea & sky, from sunny skies through dusk. It is "Chicken Soup with sea salt for the Soul". I am thinking it would be best if I go alone. Of course, I talk a good game, chances are this isn't going to happen. I know Jimmy would love to come too. My reason for not wanting him to come, is that he would probably get bored....on the other hand, my ticking time bomb body wouldn't allow me to stay too long anyway...but it would be worth the consequences. Deep inside, I'm afraid I will cry and times like that I prefer to be alone.
Today is Thursday, and still haven't seen my grandchildren this week. At this point it is almost 3:00 am. If I get to sleep soon, maybe I'll get over to see those beautiful faces. I know everyone says that when they see beautiful babies, they just want to eat them up. I REALLY need to now how I can do that without hurting them......I would be like Ms. Pacman!!.....although my endocrinologist wouldn't be thrilled that I had ingested so much sugar. When I say they are my Peeps, I really mean "Peeps" one pink bunny, one blue bunny and one blue chick! (Gabby is my profile pic on FB)
Today was hard and I shouldn't have left the house. Once back, I had to collapse and sleep. My cognitive issues were horrible as well. All day, I was thinking of the calls I need to make and e-mails I need to return. I apologize to anyone I have not responded to yet. I do as much as I can, when I can. It bothers me when I can't get back to everyone.
This post was intended to let you all know I haven't been up to writing, but hoping to be back in another few days. Hhhmmmm, not feeling the "nutshell" thing!!
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