Dear Meg....

...instead of returning your FB message, I'll get crackin' with the blog...I can take a hint!

I have said in the past that I try to post every couple of days.  The past few have flown by.  I was surprised when I realized that the last entry was on Wednesday.

Hhhmmmm, what to say, what to say???

I have been pretty much down and out the last few days.  My highlight (and demise :) ) was another marathon phone call....actually two calls ~ a biathlon, and they were back to back.  I felt like "Ernestine"...."is this the number to which you are speaking"...I know, that is for the seniors!  My kids are probably saying, there she goes again...


First I was on the phone with my daughter-in-law, Danielle, for over two hours.  It was SO much fun!!  I love catching up... baby talk, not to each other, about the babies :), celebrity gossip, tv shows....we try to keep our conversations cerebral ~ that's how we roll :)


Immediately after Danielle, my son Chris called, but we were only on for a few minutes.  THEN, about fifteen minutes later, Ceal called.  I saw her name on the caller ID and had to pick up....fast forward to four hours later....poor me, poor Ceal, poor me, poor Ceal, pour me.....a drink!!!  I was destroyed.  I have a feeling Ceal was too.  We had so much to catch up on, the new topics were spewing from both of us simultaneously.  In the end, I had to decide ~ life or death, I opted for life... I told you I'm cerebral!  The toll collector was sitting on the edge of my bed waiting for Ceal and I to get over each other.  He is ever present poking his index finger in my chest. 

(ADD alert...I remember my first phone conversation with Jimmy - SIX HOURS!!!  ...he could never accuse me of false advertising!)


Anyway, that was rough and probably the reason I have been worse the past few days.  Everything gets so much harder.  

Ceal reads this blog and I was telling her how serious I am about my Microfiber frenzies, and she gets it :)  I really wanted to pull them out the past few days, but the toll collector, well you don't want to know what I said to him...I think I'll take my Sunpass off of my windshield and attach it to my forehead...

My "normal" is bad enough, but when I have rough spells, it is really difficult.  I want to bust out of here and run to the soundtrack of "Chariots of Fire", but sped up to "Chipmunks" speed. The isolation/silence is really intense.  I wish I could have company, or go running around doing errands.  At times like this, it is best that I am alone, as much as I hate it.  I need the time to not expend any energy whatsoever.

Now I am feeling exactly as I did when I first got my drivers license. I loved it when my mother would ask me to go to the post office and drug store at "Mainline", pick up lunch meat (sliced extra thin) at Cooks Market, etc.  Somebody, anybody...c'mon, just give me a list!!!!  It's funny, because these are things I dreaded when I was well, such inconveniences!!!  Now they are like little vacations!  Any local errand is an event...sometimes make-up & perfume worthy!  Of course, in less than an hour I am back in my pj's and horizontal ~ but still with the make-up...ready for my close up..


After all these years, I know when it is safe to expend energy.   Obviously, the worse my symptoms, the more intense the feeling of isolation, loneliness, and silence.  It is true that silence can be deafening, incredibly so.


I am looking forward to Easter next Sunday.  We will all be going to Chris and Danielle's.  It is much easier for the kids, especially with Maks' nap time.  Luckily, I have their living room sofa to shuffle off to (I'll call the sofa "Buffalo"), when needed.  Since last week wasn't the best, I didn't make it over to see them.  Again, I'm hoping this week, but definitely on Easter.  I think I'll stop telling you guys I'm hoping to go over, and just report if and when I do.  Also, I bought their Easter candy a little tooooo early....if ya' know what I mean ...

It has been eight weeks, since my first post.  When I began writing, I intended to merely keep my family and closest friends up to speed.  After reading this post you will find it hard to believe that I rarely answer the phone, but it is true.  Almost every day is a bad day. 

When my friend, Shari, started her blog, I found it to be incredibly informative.  Between the two of us, we're rarely up to phone calls.  Shari's blog brought me up to date and answered all of my questions. My intention was to do the same for my friends and family.  Very straight forward and simple....well, maybe not so straight forward! 



Due to the feedback I received, almost immediately, my intentions took an unexpected turn.  Several friends told me that they were sharing it with friends of theirs that are very sick, both physically and emotionally, and how much they were getting out of it....what???  I then felt a sense of responsibility to keep the blog going.  From the letters I have received, it appears that I am helping others in some way. It is embarrassing for me to put that last sentence in writing. 

I never saw this response coming! There have been days when I wondered if writing the blog was a blessing or a curse.  If I am helping others in some way, it would obviously be a blessing.  Honestly, I do not know what anyone would get out of my "to infinity and beyond" chats, but I am not going to question it.  This blog has evolved in to an incredibly unexpected and rewarding experience for me.  Thank you to everyone who has encouraged me with such heartfelt letters.


Meggy, thanks for the nudge...I needed that tonight! XO