Mrs. Hyde, reporting from the dark side...

...I guess, I should have written that yesterday, on Halloween.  In yesterday's, very early morning post, I mentioned possibly writing on a bad day.   The thought never occurred to me, since it typically isn't an option. 

Since the beginning, I have said that I do not want to come off as a complainer.  Because of that, I try to "touch" on the bad issues, but not dwell on them.  Today is one of my bad days, and I decided to actually post....something I have never considered before.

Actually, it began yesterday.  I didn't get to sleep until around 11:00 am and woke up approximately 2:30 pm.  As I expected, it was a difficult day.  I asked for it over the weekend with the trip to the movies (no regrets & worth the price), surprise visit with Chris, Danielle & the Kids (no regrets & worth the price:),  riding six miles to see how Ryan's house is coming along (no regrets & worth the price), then stopping at the food store on the way home (at that point, nothing was that important and I could feel myself fall apart..no regrets??  more like no brains).  I stopped at the store to pick up an adorable mini Halloween cake to bring to Brayden, Gabby and Maks on Halloween :(

Waking up yesterday, I was physically destroyed.  So much so, that I was not well enough to get over to see my grandchildren in their Halloween costumes.   If I were to stay in bed 24/7, I believe that I would have less really bad spells, but living a bed bound life is too big of a price. Back to paying for my weekend, today, is even worse.

I finally went to sleep at approximately 3:30 am and woke up around twelve hours later, which was an hour or so ago.   My entire body is in pain that would make it impossible for me to leave this house....even to deliver the cake to the kids.  If I left, for any reason, later I would be rolling in the bed, groaning with pain...not talking, since I would know that would lead to crying.  

When I am like I am today, which is a typical day for me, I have to stay put and stay in bed.  This is why I rarely make or answer phone calls...and why there are sometimes long spells between blogs.  When I say my entire body is in pain, I mean every square inch.  Every muscle, ligament, tendon, etc., affecting any and all body movement.  So you can imagine what it is like to have to walk and function in any way.  Actually, functioning is not an option...period.

Not today, but on random days, I also have severe stomach issues join the party.  I have a condition called gastroparesis.  Because of that, my stomach sometimes does not receive the nerve impulse to digest my food.  This leads to food in my stomach rotting and not continuing in the digestion process.  As you can imagine, this also brings on severe nausea.  Luckily, this isn't the case on all my bad days, just some.

My brain is horribly affected.  I have tried to describe the brain issue to family and friends.  No doubt, they don't completely get it.  It is like nothing I have experienced as a well person, and probably would not have understood it either.  It is like my brain has been unplugged and stops working.  Anything , and I mean any thing, that would require me to think or process information is impossible.  I can feel the strain on my brain when I try to think, read or concentrate.  It is not an option - there is nothing there. Not to be confused with a headache - I feel more like I had a traumatic brain injury and that there are things I just cannot do.  Luckily, for the most part, this is only when I am having a bad day.  All the while, I am still hoping to find some type of employment that I can do from my laptop, in bed...I know how ridiculous that must sound.

I have read some of my past posts, and the overall blog does sound like it had been written by a healthy person.  Again, it is because I am at my optimum when I write.  For some reason, I still get "excited" (you all know me), and just go for it when I can.  At those times, I am "excited" to write about anything and everything.  As Jimmy pointed out, my blog was getting away from what is really happening in my daily life.  The initial intent of this blog was to keep my family and closest friends updated.  Today, I decided to allow Mr. Hyde to get a few words in edgewise....just a glimpse.

This has been a very hard post to write, physically.  Trying to think straight and type.  The words often don't make it to the keyboard.  When reading, and re-reading and reading again, it amazed me how I would leave huge obvious gaps in sentences.  This explains why it sometimes takes me a long time to respond to e-mails.  When I have to backspace for almost every word, numerous times, I usually just hit delete by the end of the first line and walk away.  Writing this post has been a nightmare....again, the reason why I do not write when I am not up to it.

Back to bed...come to momma'..... Jimmy can find leftovers, so sad I missed my babydolls on such an exciting day for them...no doubt, Jimmy's dinner will be the Halloween cake...I know...POOR JIMMY....I can hear you mom & Erica!!!!!!!!!!

So, BOO, Happy Belated Halloween from the Dark Side...