Did I Say Thankful???

I know I just wrote about Thanksgiving last night, but I had to tell the world our very exciting news.  We were all surprised to get the phone call that my mom and dad were coming too!  That was the best news!!  When I called Chris to tell him, he said "This is really a day to be thankful"...he spoke for all of us.

Our day was absolutely beautiful, in every imaginable way.  We can't thank Ry and Liz enough for our beautiful day and delicious dinner...everything was perfect!  Hey Mr. and Mrs. Steuber....what are you doing Christmas Eve???....just kidding.... no, I'm not...just kidding....no, I'm not....JUST KIDDING!...or am I?????   No, No, No, I am kidding :D

It took hours between my first and second paragraphs, since my body was destroyed when we came home.  I should have known to hold off on posting, until I had some medication.  It was just that I couldn't wait to share with the world, that my parents were able to join us.  We couldn't have asked for more....except for Phil and Laura....maybe next year will be even more perfect!

....and good luck to my son, Chris...he'll be at Toys R Us at 3:00 AM!!!!..I know, "crazy go nuts", huh????

Happy, Happy Thanksgiving...

It is so hard to believe that tomorrow is going to be Thanksgiving. We'll be spending it with Ry and Liz, in their new home.  They have been looking forward to hosting their first holiday for such a long time...I know everything is going to be delicious and perfect.

Also, we are so happy that Liz's mom, Jeannie, flew down for this special day.  It will be so much fun to see her again and get caught up.  No doubt, she is having fun helping Liz and admiring the "view" out back!  It's a little scary bringing pies to the "Lancaster Lady"... Jeannie is used to the best!

Not to mention, Chris, Danielle, Brayden, Gabby and Baby Maks will be with us too.  I can't wait to see the kids in their new Thanksgiving outfits!  They are really too precious for words!  I cannot wait for my bear hugs from the kiddies - words cannot describe the feeling. 

Unfortunately, my mother and father will not be able to be with us.  Obviously, they will be missed terribly!  Wishing my mom a better day tomorrow.  Hopefully, we'll get to bring some leftovers to them tomorrow night or Friday...there will be lots of pie...and hugs to deliver! 

Additionally, we'll have two more vacant seats., We'll be missing Phil and Laura too..so much!!  Phil is at sea and Laura is spending Thanksgiving with her family...which is so nice for the Kreitman's.  They'll have a great holiday, no doubt!

We don't all have perfect lives. I can't think of too many people that "appear" to have no complaints.  In spite of all of this, we all have so much to be thankful for tomorrow and every day.  I have many friends with poor health, financial problems, family issues, some with seemingly perfect lives, etc., yet I can't think of one that couldn't make a list that is a mile long, detailing all they have to be grateful for...(I know, ending a sentence with a preposition :)...not grateful for that!

As you have all noticed, I can be quite the complainer myself!!  With all my different issues that we have dealt with in the last year, along with my health....and now my mother's health....I still have so much....so much more than a lot of people. I feel that I have always kept that in perspective for just about all of my adult life....although, I do eat my heart out when I see people out power walking...but, who knows, maybe their families and friends aren't as amazing as mine...duh, how could they be????

I know that everyone will take a moment to give thanks tomorrow....and for that moment, realize that "yeah, I am SO blessed".  Wishing you all a beautiful Thanksgiving and to savor that "yeah, I am SO blessed" moment....tomorrow and throughout the year.

It happened again....tomorrow is Ry and Liz's exciting day and their Frank Sinatra wedding song just came on my playlist....tomorrow will be beautiful!

Please keep my mother, Marie Mahony, in your prayers! XO

Striking while the iron is hot...

On my way to bed, but wanted to write a short one.  Jimmy and I just came home from a really fun visit with my parents.  My mom looks great and somehow, with us both being sick, we still have endless stories to tell!  Anyway, I could see she was getting tired and I was too.  When we left, I was really looking forward to getting home and directly in to bed.  HOWEVAH', it is just about impossible for me to drive past Deerfield Beach without stopping.  In the old days, it would have been for some power walking, these days it is to get something to eat and directly back home, or to simply drive past the beautiful beach...heaven.

We usually end up at the "Patio Bar", which is right on the beach.  I have to say it is a little unnerving to see all the vacationers with their cute sundresses and sunkist faces....then, there's Maude :(  UGH!!! As usual, I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb.  

There was a guy playing the geeeetar.  As soon as we sat down, he was playing "Margaritaville", as if on cue....always a good start to feel like we are on vacation, even though it was a one hour vacay!  He played "Norwegian Wood" and some other great old songs.  When he played "Amy" (watcha' gonna' do), I couldn't help but smile.  I was thinking to myself that the next song had to be "Brown Eyed Girl".  Just as I was thinking that, I looked at Jimmy and he was looking at me smiling.  I asked him why he was smiling and he said he never sees me enjoy myself and he loved seeing the look on my face......then came the waterworks!!!  What is it with me???  But, he was right, I was enjoying myself...and it felt good.

While sitting there, I decided I have to take a night and literally do a pub crawl. (wish I really could do that, just once)  When we go out, I always drink water with lemon.  I need to hit the hard stuff - top shelf Long Island ice tea...I need to get from point A to point B, no messing around.  I am a big talker, but this is a short term goal.  One of these nights, I'm going to do it...you'll see.

The one thing I really do hate about going anyplace that serves liquor is that after drinking water, I walk out looking like I had been downing shots.  So embarrassing!!!  I try to walk as perfect as I can, but I can never quite pull it off and I feel so conspicuous.  Watch, I'll have my Long Island Ice Tea and walk out perfectly...who's coming with me???...disclaimer, it will be a short night :)

So, we took a detour on the way home, and really did feel like we were tourists.  That always feels great!   Next time, I'll have to get a fanny pack that says "FLORIDA" on it, and have a camera hanging around my  neck. I wanted to go down to the water and put my feet in.  I checked the sign and the water temp. was 79 today...not too shabby.  Walking in the sand is hard for me and I wasn't up for "Dead Man Walking" back to the car, so maybe next time.

Over the past few weeks, I have been wanting to write on my more private blog, for those that are sick or dealing with some type of hardships in their lives.  It has been at least six months since I posted on there.  So, I expect to write on there within the next day or two. If anyone needs that link again, let me know and I'll e-mail it to you.

You can all consider this my post card from our vacation...  "Wish You Were Here!!!"....off to bed to see if there is a mint on my pillow!

Please keep my mom, Marie Mahony, in your prayers...

Me Mum....

I've been uncertain as to whether to post or not in the past, but tonight I thought it would be the hardest decision.  Once I started writing, I realized, it was the easiest post I have ever written. In order for me to continue blogging, I need to invite you deeper in to my life.  If not, I would have to stop writing.

A few days ago, our family learned that my mom is very sick.  Very shocking and surreal, and to be honest, I haven't been able to actually process this information yet.

There are two reasons that I am mentioning this.  

The first, is that from now on, my mother's health will be forefront in my life .....an unavoidable topic to discuss, on occasion. As humble as my mother is, I know she would rather I mention her from time to time, than not to blog at all.  She is one of my biggest supporters! I have said time and time again, that my posts come straight from my heart and soul, with complete honesty.  It would be impossible to write, yet dance around what is most important to me.

The second reason, is that I would like to address everyone's kind letters, telling me that I am an inspiration to them.  When I read them, I am always overwhelmed and surprised....looking behind and around me to see who they are talking about.  I am here to tell you that I am "chopped liver".  

After the phone conversation with my mother on Sunday night, learning about her struggles, then seeing her on Monday, I can see that I have a lot to learn about being inspirational.  My mother is absolutely amazing... her upbeat attitude and selflessness is boundless.  I feel like I have learned so much from her, from Sunday and Monday alone.  Also, I see how far I have yet to go, to be half the person that my mom is.

I had to take a moment to write this, because I can think of nothing else.  In my mind, I keep replaying our conversations. Each time, I am astonished at how much I have yet to learn...or in my case, absorb from my mother.  My mother is perfection and I cannot wait to see her again for my next lesson.

Please keep my mom, Marie Mahony, in your prayers~

Lucky Enough....

I'm sure most of you have seen the small hand painted signs, usually in touristy towns, that say "If you are lucky enough to live at the beach, you are lucky enough".  In my case, if I am lucky enough to have a somewhat normal day, I AM LUCKY ENOUGH!!!!  

Today was one of those extremely rare days.  For me a day like today comes once every few months. Usually, spread so far apart, that I cannot remember the last one.  

Well, let me tell 'ya....today was the day!  I didn't get to sleep until around 8:00 am this morning, and woke up around 2:30 pm.  My daughter-in-law, Danielle, had sent me an e-mail, asking if I could come over to help her with some decorating ideas. Initially, I wasn't feeling well enough to go. After around an hour, I started to liven up and decided to go over.  In fact, I livened up so much, that I got out my new QVC Bobbi Brown make-up (I was going to make the most of this sudden spurt of life!!!!).  I have to say, that it is rough putting on eye make-up w/o wearing glasses.  When I was putting on eyebrow pencil, I didn't know if I was going to end up with a uni-brow or a thin mustache.  Next, I put on my favorite perfume, flat ironed my hair and put on my diamond earrings....not to be confused with DIAMOND earrings!

On the way, I was wondering if Danielle would notice the spiffed up Cathy 2.0.  WOO HOO ~ Danielle complimented me as soon as I walked in the door, asking if I was wearing my new make-up, saying my brown top brought out my eye make-up and that it looked like I didn't even have any wrinkles....hey, wait a minute....what was that last part again?!?!?  It was hilarious that Danielle noticed immediately!  So, rather than looking like death, I looked like death with make-up.  Thank you Danielle, you made my day!!!  


Obviously, it was so much fun seeing the kids.  I just love to squeeze, squeeze, squeeze them - yum!  Danielle and I had a lot of success with the decorating end of our visit. It was like working again and it felt so great!! At this point, I was strutting my made-up self, lovin' my babydolls (grandchildren, not pj's) and happily back to work....the adrenaline was working overtime....hhmmm, time and a half???


As soon as I got home, Ryan and Liz were there to move some furniture from our house to their new home.  My adrenaline was still pumping from my earlier, very professional decorating consult :)  

Today, lightening struck twice!!!!  After being at Danielle's, my hair was a disaster and I was getting tired. Well, what do 'ya know..... Liz still noticed my make-up (so, I must have really looked gorgeous...right????) On the way to my house from Danielle's, I was actually wondering if there was ANY chance that Liz would notice my new, and very temporary look.  I could have died laughing when she mentioned it....Thanks Liz!!  You girls made my day today!  Although, I think both of them will have stretch marks on their noses....that's gotta' hurt, especially with their pants on fire!!! 


Unfortunately, this is not a testament to Bobbi Brown, as much as it is to how crappy I look E V E R Y single day.


I'll be going to Liz's soon, to go through all of her pictures and shelving.  For me, it is so much fun to help with anything to do with decorating, space planning, etc.  It makes me feel alive again.  I would give anything to be able to re-open my business.  At least I can say that I was "lucky enough" to have a profession that I loved so much, for so many years.  A lot of people cannot say that.

So, yes.....today, I was most definitely "lucky enough"....again.  It was a day I will not soon forget. 

Okay, so I'm miserable...

...and decided to blog anyway.  I'd have to look over my past blogs, but I'm pretty sure I haven't come on and written when I have gone  through these darker times in the past.

I have heard so many times, too many to count, how great I sound in my blog, and on the telephone.  When I read over my blogs, I have to agree... they sound like they were written by someone that is not that sick...a happy-go-lucky Pollyanna.  How I wish that were the real me!!!  

On the phone, I sound great and not sick at all.  That is because I do not pick up the phone when I am too sick for conversation....no matter who the caller.  I know many of you have had phone conversations with me where I start out "normal", but eventually dive and have to hang up. Those of you that have experienced this with me have heard my breathing become labored, my vocal chords starting to go, and a loss of interest in our conversation....the last being very uncharacteristic of me!  It's been that way for several years now and I'm used to not answering when I cannot.   I did have one call in particular, where I was way too sick to answer.  I really needed to touch base with the this extra special friend, and, against my better judgement, picked up the phone.  The entire call was miserable...rather, I should say I was miserable the entire call.  I felt so bad for my friend that I was talking too.  It is just too much to seem like my old self, when I am that sick. I will not make that mistake again.

As I have said many times before, when I write, I write from my heart, soul and with complete honesty.  That still stands true.  On the other hand, I avoid writing when I feel like I did today, emotionally speaking.  When I am this miserable, I don't write, because I don't want to post, woe is me, blah, blah, blah, how much can I stand?, blah, blah, blah, this is a nightmare, blah, blah, blah, don't come near me, blah, blah, blah, I need to run away/escape, blah, blah, blaaaaaaah

When I have a good spell here and there, and am feeling good emotionally, and physically up to sitting for the duration of writing the blog, I do.  At those times, I am happier,  more like the old me and grateful for all that I have to be grateful for....grateful and very excited that I am writing, which I enjoy so much.  I am always pumped after I post on my blog.  It is amazing for me to feel like I actually accomplished something.  For me, blogging is a big accomplishment.

What possessed me to come on and write, with the way I have been feeling all day, I'll never know.

In thinking about it, I would have to say that I am writing this in hopes that my "usual" posts aren't misleading.  I do have many, many very low points throughout each week.  When they hit they feel like they are eating me alive and I absolutely hate, grit my teeth hate, it and struggle to get through it, which I eventually do.  And no, no one can help.

Don't ask me why, but I felt compelled to spit this out tonight!  ....hoping you all have as much accurate insight in to my life as possible...especially those that are very sick too...I'm no Pollyanna....well, at least not tonight :/  

I have to admit that I cannot explain my willingness to expose myself to this degree.  It must be because I cannot see any of you, and that I do not know many of my readers.  It's just me, writing a diary on a virtual piece of paper. 

Before I took my three month break, I was also posting on my alternate blog.  That blog is intended for those that are very sick, or have had insurmountable obstacles to deal with.  Preferably, not for my family.  In some cases, it is best they do not know my heavier issues.  It wouldn't serve a purpose, other than to upset them.  There is more than enough information and insight in this blog for them to really get it, which they do. Since I came back to the blog the end of September, I haven't written on that site.  I expect that I will be posting on there soon.  I'll let you know when I am back to that additional blog again. Like before, anyone interested in the link for that blog,  you can write to me and I will send it along.


On a lighter, happier note, I had a special song with my sensitive, sweetheart grandson, Brayden two years ago.....Viva la Vida...it just played on my playlist and that always tugs at my heartstrings...and tear ducts... I DO love our special moments. XO..that's to be a direct hit for my sweetie, Brayden...

I should be in bed...

...but, I'm too tired to get up from the computer.  If I can squeak anything out in this post, it will be a miracle!

I'd like to thank my sister-in-law, Lisa for talking my ear off, for hours tonight...oh wait, Lisa reads this, I mean, I was talking Lisa's ear off for hours tonight. Lisa should be the one blogging and complaining this time around. As always, it was so much fun. I only wish that we were sitting across from each other, with a glass of wine in one hand and a bottle in the other...or, maybe no glass...

Three days ago, it was my sister Nancy's, birthday - Woo Hoo!!!  Nancy just looooves celebrating her birthdays...well, maybe not so much.  Anyway, it was like a gift to me to be talking to Nancy on her BD and catching up.  It always feels like a visit. Now, with Nancy, I wish we were sitting across from each other, each with a piece of birthday cake from L & M Bakery.  Make a wish Nance!

My sister-in-law Geri and I caught up earlier in the week. It had been ages since we last spoke.  Well, that is really the case with everyone.  It is always such a treat to get caught up.  We were on the phone for a little while, we will continue with part two in the next call. There is always too much to cover in a single call.  Now with Geri, we would be sitting across from each other with 1/16th of a glass of wine each glass :)...right Kel???

I have to give myself a pat on the back for my phone call progress! Even though, I think, they were the only ones I caught up with, I also had a swing and a miss with Dina, Kathy and Ceal.  Trying counts!  

Today, I deactivated my FB account.  It was a long time in coming and it felt great to move on.  I'm sure I'll be checking in from time to time to see if, God forbid, I am missing anything.  Although, I don't think I will be doing that any time soon.  Anyone that contacted me through FB messaging, can e-mail me through my address in my profile.  I'm back to communicating like in the old days, via e-mail :)

Jimmy and I have been, well really I have been craving delicious, thick, fresh mahi.  I have a great recipe with an almond/buttered crumb top, with a scallion beaurre blanc sauce.  Actually, I'm working on replicating a recipe from a great local restaurant.  I think I have it all figured out and ready to go...in my head at least.  This morning, I went to Fresh Market, knowing their mahi would be fresh and beautiful.   I had all day to rest.  Unfortunately, that was not enough time.  After all that, I was not well enough to make it.  I'll have to make it tomorrow.  If worse comes to worse, I'll have to delegate (I'm good at that :) to Jimmy on what needs to be done!  He'll feel like he is in "Hell's Kitchen"...

Overall, I've been pretty sick every day.  That is normal and my life every day.  The only difference each day, is that the symptoms, or combination of symptoms may change a little.  To be honest, if I could win the "symptom" lotto, the prize would be pain for sure.  The reason for that, is that the Vicodin really helps soften the edges and relieves the worst of it.  Other than that, there is nothing available to treat some of my other, very horrible symptoms. I have days where I actually feel like I am dying, although I am not, it feels like death is imminent...and at times like that, I would welcome it with open arms. Days that severe only come a few times a month - thank God!!!!! So, I'm betting on pain for later today...c'mon pain, c'mon pain....come to momma.  It is the lesser of the other evils.

I don't want to mislead anyone, there are short spells almost every day, where I feel okay.  Of course, that is when I stay in bed, flat on my back.  As soon as I try to kick it up a notch, the party is over...back to bed. If I force myself to stay in bed, I would have a decent day... in most cases.  There are days that I wake up with the worst of the worst symptoms and they are nightmarsh days that usually last at least an entire day. As far as staying in bed,I know I am my own worst enemy. Sometimes, it is worth getting really sick, just to peak my head in to "life" for a little here and there...definitely worth it.

I received a really, really funny gift from Ceal yesterday.  From time to time, she finds the funniest cards, at Cracker Barrel of all places  They are hysterical.  Anyway, this time the card came in a box with something wrapped in tissue paper.  In the card, Ceal wrote "I found the perfect medicine for you. It came from a very reputable source and it can cure anything.  Just take a couple a day and think of me!!".  Hhhmm, I looked at the tissue and was thinking, "please be m&m's" ..what I found was much better.  It was hysterical.  A little medicine bottle with a picture of Lucy Ricardo on the front.  It was Vitameatavegamin!  I was laughing out loud - Ceal really did find my cure!!!!  I love Lucy, but I love Ceal more! On the bottle, it says it tastes just like candy and says "do you poop out at parties?"...you can say that again!  Unfortunately, only the seniors will get this one, but I have a huge smile every time I look at the bottle, or even think of it! 


Not sure if you would remember my prior post when I said that I, of all people, ordered Bobbi Brown make up from QVC, then had second thoughts.  I made a deal with myself and canceled one of the two collections...that's progress.  So, my make-up arrived today.  I had everything in bed with me, checking it out.  You would think that I was going to the Oscars tonight.  Anyway, I was going through all that came in the collection.  One of the things was lipstick that you apply with a brush.  The little compact that the lipstick comes in has a small mirror.   I was in bed, looking like total death, and I was putting on the lipstick with the brush.  I had to have looked like Bette Davis in "Hush, Hush Sweet Charlotte".....if Jimmy walked in and saw that, he would have thought I had lost it for sure!  Death face with the perfect color lipstick....just what Bobbi Brown was envisioning when she put this collection together!!


Lucky for all of you, you are sound asleep by now.  Otherwise, you would have had nightmares after reading that last paragraph.


I'm going to put on my lipstick, schmear it a little, and go to sleep.. ..hush...hush...

Spud ~ thinking of you, "China Cat Sunflower" was just playing on my playlist :D

Mrs. Hyde, reporting from the dark side...

...I guess, I should have written that yesterday, on Halloween.  In yesterday's, very early morning post, I mentioned possibly writing on a bad day.   The thought never occurred to me, since it typically isn't an option. 

Since the beginning, I have said that I do not want to come off as a complainer.  Because of that, I try to "touch" on the bad issues, but not dwell on them.  Today is one of my bad days, and I decided to actually post....something I have never considered before.

Actually, it began yesterday.  I didn't get to sleep until around 11:00 am and woke up approximately 2:30 pm.  As I expected, it was a difficult day.  I asked for it over the weekend with the trip to the movies (no regrets & worth the price), surprise visit with Chris, Danielle & the Kids (no regrets & worth the price:),  riding six miles to see how Ryan's house is coming along (no regrets & worth the price), then stopping at the food store on the way home (at that point, nothing was that important and I could feel myself fall apart..no regrets??  more like no brains).  I stopped at the store to pick up an adorable mini Halloween cake to bring to Brayden, Gabby and Maks on Halloween :(

Waking up yesterday, I was physically destroyed.  So much so, that I was not well enough to get over to see my grandchildren in their Halloween costumes.   If I were to stay in bed 24/7, I believe that I would have less really bad spells, but living a bed bound life is too big of a price. Back to paying for my weekend, today, is even worse.

I finally went to sleep at approximately 3:30 am and woke up around twelve hours later, which was an hour or so ago.   My entire body is in pain that would make it impossible for me to leave this house....even to deliver the cake to the kids.  If I left, for any reason, later I would be rolling in the bed, groaning with pain...not talking, since I would know that would lead to crying.  

When I am like I am today, which is a typical day for me, I have to stay put and stay in bed.  This is why I rarely make or answer phone calls...and why there are sometimes long spells between blogs.  When I say my entire body is in pain, I mean every square inch.  Every muscle, ligament, tendon, etc., affecting any and all body movement.  So you can imagine what it is like to have to walk and function in any way.  Actually, functioning is not an option...period.

Not today, but on random days, I also have severe stomach issues join the party.  I have a condition called gastroparesis.  Because of that, my stomach sometimes does not receive the nerve impulse to digest my food.  This leads to food in my stomach rotting and not continuing in the digestion process.  As you can imagine, this also brings on severe nausea.  Luckily, this isn't the case on all my bad days, just some.

My brain is horribly affected.  I have tried to describe the brain issue to family and friends.  No doubt, they don't completely get it.  It is like nothing I have experienced as a well person, and probably would not have understood it either.  It is like my brain has been unplugged and stops working.  Anything , and I mean any thing, that would require me to think or process information is impossible.  I can feel the strain on my brain when I try to think, read or concentrate.  It is not an option - there is nothing there. Not to be confused with a headache - I feel more like I had a traumatic brain injury and that there are things I just cannot do.  Luckily, for the most part, this is only when I am having a bad day.  All the while, I am still hoping to find some type of employment that I can do from my laptop, in bed...I know how ridiculous that must sound.

I have read some of my past posts, and the overall blog does sound like it had been written by a healthy person.  Again, it is because I am at my optimum when I write.  For some reason, I still get "excited" (you all know me), and just go for it when I can.  At those times, I am "excited" to write about anything and everything.  As Jimmy pointed out, my blog was getting away from what is really happening in my daily life.  The initial intent of this blog was to keep my family and closest friends updated.  Today, I decided to allow Mr. Hyde to get a few words in edgewise....just a glimpse.

This has been a very hard post to write, physically.  Trying to think straight and type.  The words often don't make it to the keyboard.  When reading, and re-reading and reading again, it amazed me how I would leave huge obvious gaps in sentences.  This explains why it sometimes takes me a long time to respond to e-mails.  When I have to backspace for almost every word, numerous times, I usually just hit delete by the end of the first line and walk away.  Writing this post has been a nightmare....again, the reason why I do not write when I am not up to it.

Back to bed...come to momma'..... Jimmy can find leftovers, so sad I missed my babydolls on such an exciting day for them...no doubt, Jimmy's dinner will be the Halloween cake...I know...POOR JIMMY....I can hear you mom & Erica!!!!!!!!!!

So, BOO, Happy Belated Halloween from the Dark Side...