Ugh...going on 5:00 am and no where near ready to sleep. These nights never seem to end..too quiet, black and boring. I've decided to come on an write a few lines, with nothing else to do.
It has been a really rough three or four weeks. I managed to pull myself together for Phil and Laura's get together on Sunday. Aside from that, it has been just horrible. Being sick ~ always ~ is too much. To think that I would have complained years ago, if I had a 24 hour bug. Being sick for 24 hours would be amazing!!! So great to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. These days/years, my tunnel is one big circle, with no end.
I guess I am going through a downward emotional spell that comes along with the worsening symptoms. I have to say, that doesn't help matters. The endless weakness, horrible fatigue, all muscles feeling like they are decomposing from the inside out, nausea, the cognitive collapse is all still a never ending nightmare. I don't expect the day to ever come where it stops being surreal. There is so much more to it, but I'm sure you get the idea. These days feel like they never end. I just need to sleep to escape....make that, ESCAPE..
In a past post, I think I mentioned that I e-mailed some local designers looking for some type of behind the scenes work. A tall order, for someone in my shape. I may have said this before, but I shockingly received a response from one. We spoke this past Monday and, as you can imagine, we talked for such a long time that I feel like I have known her. She reminded me so much of my friend from home, Carole (QVC cakes). I loved her! (Holla Carole :)
We arranged to meet after next week. During our call, I gave her an idea about my business and she told me some things about hers. We are approximately the same age. I told her "to be honest, I am shocked that you responded to my letter" (as I mentioned in the letter that I am chronically ill). She said that she was intrigued by my letter. I was so touched because she said that, initially, she was not looking to hire anyone. She (Debbie) would like to meet with me to see if we can work something out. It amazed me, because it appears that she is putting kindness before her (lack) of needs in her business. For those of you that know Carole, you would understand what a great impression she made on me and why I can't help but get my hopes up.
When we do meet, I am going to continue to be completely honest. Debbie would need to know that I am rarely reliable, due to my health issues. Unfortunately, rarely reliable is honest. Without disclosing everything, we wouldn't possibly be able to move forward with an appropriate arrangement. Again, I cannot imagine, for the life of me, how I could help her. She did say that she already has a couple of ideas and is looking forward to talking to me about them. I'm going to go wherever this takes me...maybe, I'll be in for a surprise!
I am concerned about my condition the day I go in to see her. If my brain isn't functioning properly, it would be a total waste of time. Just hoping, this spurs my adrenaline. I would love to at least make it through our first meeting coherent! Looking forward to blogging about that meeting.
Yuck ~ feeling so sick, miserable and tired....hoping to go to sleep... Rumpelstiltskin style....minus the beard, plus Rapunzel hair...
Apologizing for the phone calls and e-mails I haven't been returning.. ..although I have been loving "Words With Friends" ...woo hoo kind of fun for me these days!
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