And All Thaaat Jaaazzzz....

Today, I had a a doctor's appointment in Miami and drove down with the "Chicago" soundtrack on full throttle.  It's funny because I did remarkably well (physically) today, and I swear it was the shot in the arm from my sing along on the turnpike and 95!  Actually, at times, it was more like the soundtrack was singing along with me...fun, fun, fun!! I haven't listened to it in years and I didn't skip a beat, not to be confused with singing on key :)  I know that Erica, Kathy and Ceal are so upset they missed my performance....actually, they have heard enough to last a lifetime.  I can't believe I was so abusive to my friends! While driving, I also had to work in some Fosse upper body dance moves...I was SO good!!!!  I've said it before and it is really true, music is the best medicine...after laughter, of course.

Anyway, I saw my UM neurologist today.  He, like every other doctor, contradicts what the previous doctor had said.  UGH...everything is so complicated.  He seems to think that I am leaking a lot of spinal cord fluid, which would account for only part of my problems.  I have three MRI's coming up. Dr. Adams is hoping to get a better look.  If it is so, I would need to see a neurosurgeon.  Although, he said he is not comfortable with me having any type of surgery with the size of my aneurysm.  So, blah, blah, blah...round and round and more of the same.  

In two weeks, I'll have a CT scan of my aneurysm to see that status.  My neurologist thinks it should be removed now and feels that it is already too large.  My cardiologist is trying to hold off as long as possible, due to the life altering after effects (caused by my neurological and autoimmune issues).  I do what I need to do as far as testing and doctor appointments, regarding the aneurysm issue, but aside from the actual appointments, I bury my head in the sand.  I'm trying to stay upbeat and thinking about that would be too upsetting.  

I never ask for prayers because I feel that there are so many other people and heartbreaking stories out there that are more "prayer worthy".  In this case, I really could use some prayers with the aneurysm.  It is a bad situation and one that I cannot imagine facing.  POOF - it's out of my mind again :)

So, I have to tell you (you, meaning the computer monitor) about our absolutely perfect thirtieth anniversary week, which unfortunately ended last night :(

I spent countless hours, for months and months, trying to come up with the perfect way to celebrate, in a way that I could manage with my health issues.  I am SO happy that we didn't try to go to a resort in the Keys or Naples.  There is NO way that I could have handled it and it would have killed me to spend the money, only to be stuck in bed.  I was tempted to take a "leap of faith" and just go for it, but our staycation was the right choice.  Jimmy took ...oh, excuse me, St./Poor Jimmy took the week off.  We went out to dinner when I felt I could handle it.  On our actual anniversary night, we went to Truluck's.   ANYONE LIVING IN FLORIDA, OR IF YOU VISIT FLORIDA, YOU MUST GO!!!!  It is an amazing restaurant.  They have one in Boca on Mizner, one in Ft. Lauderdale, next to the Blue Martini and one in South Beach.  AMAZING!!!!  They have their own fishing boats that go out and catch king crabs, with legs that are the size of my own!  They also have their own ranches, where they breed their own cattle.  The food and atmosphere were super special and perfect for such a special night.

When we first sat down, they had background music on.  Now I know this is going to sound super cornball....but, they had Kenny Rogers singing "Lady".  When we were first married, that was the only song that Jimmy would always want to slow dance to.  I haven't heard it in at least fifteen years.  Sooooo, I crumbled in to a puddle of tears.  EMBARRASSING!!!!  I was sobbing and couldn't talk.  The waitress aka my nurse for the evening was so sweet and understanding.  Unfortunately, the embarrassment didn't stop there.  After our appetizer (be still my heart, it was so delicious), I started to nosedive.  We were seated in a beautiful, leather, very high backed round booth.  I had two options....leave or lie down.  My biggest fear came true...I guess the restaurant should have been called Trunoluck's.  This is what I was fretting about for months.  I spoke with my waitress/nurse and explained that I had to lie down on the booth.  She couldn't have been sweeter and brought table covers for me to use as a pillow.  I had to have my head down and my feet up.  I stayed in that position until our entrees (be still my heart, it was so delicious) came.  We had to order our deserts to go and I even had to leave before Jimmy got the check.  I needed to be in the car with the seat fully reclined. The restaurant is approximately half an hour from our house....too far for me.  The ride home seemed to take forever.  I had to get in bed immediately.

I guess you could say "lesson learned".  I was hoping my adrenaline would carry me through the dinner, but it was not to be.  Throughout the week, we did go to some local places, where we could "hit it and quit it"!  In fact we went to one of my favorites, Tavolino's, last night.  We got there super early, so we wouldn't have to wait.  I don't think we were in there an hour.  By the time we left, it was almost impossible to put one foot in front of the other.  The good news is that it was only a few miles from our house.

In the end, I would still have to say that we had a beautiful week.  The kids and my parents kicked it off with bringing catered food from Tavolino's last Sunday, for our anniversary and our first football Sunday.  We were so surprised and everything was delicious.

Another exciting "happening" last Sunday, was that Ryan and Liz found out that the offer they made on a beautiful home in Coral Springs was accepted.  We were all so happy that they got the news while we were all together.  Each and every one of us is over the moon happy for them....and the best part is that they have several bedrooms to fill up .... counting the minutes!!!!!!!...but, no pressure :)

Okay, so back to lesson learned.  I think I learned a long overdue lesson last week. I'm hoping it is a permanent revelation...time will tell.  In many of my previous posts, I have mentioned that I do not understand why I cannot accept my health issues.  I mean, we are talking over six years.  As much as I do not want to surrender, I know it would be emotionally very healthy for me to accept the hand I have been dealt.  It would actually be like a huge weight lifted.  I cannot pinpoint what exactly happened, but I felt a peace come over me by the middle of the week.  I actually felt at peace with my situation....could that possibly be so???????  In giving it a lot of thought in trying to make sense of this change of attitude, I came to the conclusion that it has to be due to my family.  I know that everyone loves their family and how important their family is to them.  My family has been unbelievably loving and supportive with all that the last six years has brought.  I never took that for granted, but still horribly longed for the rest of my life that was missing.    

Last week, I felt overwhelmed with love all around me.  Love from my family of gold, both immediate and extended family.  What I was feeling was so intense, that I felt I couldn't possibly ask for more.  Sure, I do miss so much about my old life.  That will always be.  It is now a distant longing.  I feel like I actually turned the corner....is this possible????  I feel so strong in my happiness and satisfaction with my life.  In six years, this feeling has never come over me...not even for a second.  I am so hopeful that my desperate denial is really behind me. I guess, like in "Chicago", my family "razzle ~ dazzled" me.  I wish I could whistle it like "Billy Flynn", but my mother and Diane Chambers are the only two women I know who can whistle like a man!! 

I have to add....why is it that other blogs I have read are only one or two short paragraphs per post?????  Mission Impossible... no can do :0

Another big milestone was hit this week... my parent's 62nd anniversary! Congratulations to the bride and groom !!!


Not to be forgotten, my granddaughter, Gabby, got her ears pierced.  Tiny pink sparkly little earrings.  Although she is only two, I know she felt like she had to wait "forevah"!!!! Such a funny, funny little princess :) Razzle Dazzle 'em, Princess Gabriella!!!