It has been over a week, since my last confession....
The last few weeks have been very hard .... really hard. My physical symptoms were about as bad as they can get. Adding insult to injury, I have a hard time emotionally, when I am at that low level. I am pretty sure I posted a few posts ago about a meltdown brewing.
Last Sunday and Monday, I thought that I somehow circumvented that aspect of my crummy condition. It appeared to be great news, and I felt like I dodged the crybaby bullet (they're made of onions). As I predicted in that post, I did have my full blown meltdown with poor Jimmy. Who knows why, but it wasn't enough. My symptoms are scary and when they escalate or when new ones start up, it is especially scary.....
My hand/eye coordination is getting worse and I am dropping things more often than before. The funny thing is, that I have seen big changes when I play Words With Friends. I have to say, I am a little concerned about it. It can take five or six attempts to actually get the word in place and hit send. I now pull up the letters I wasn't planning on using, put them at random places on the board, accidentally hit "pass" and other things. It has really gotten to be a chore. HOWEVAH....I still love playing it and wonder what I did before four months ago, when I started playing. For those that read this blog and play WWF with me..I still want to play!!! Anyway, I'm keeping track of my sudden difficulty in getting the words situated and sent.
With being so sick over the past few weeks, I wasn't able to attend my SWEET little angel face, Brayden's fifth birthday party!!! Brayden is our oldest grandchild. I remember so clearly the day he was born. My sweet little guy. It was a small family birthday party on Tuesday night. I had been beyond sick for days, and knew I wouldn't be able to make it. Before Jimmy came home from work, I thought I would try a mind over matter thing...no luck. Chris sent me pictures of the party. I loved seeing what I had missed. Missing a day that is so special, destroys me. UGH! So hard....
Starting yesterday, I feel like I'm starting to improve...working my way back to my normal. I can say that I am officially off of the meltdown radar. That alone is smarvelous and swonderful. It is also great to feel well enough, both physically and emotionally to get back on the blog. It is a treat when I am up to it, and rarin' to go...fun!
I am still concerned with my newer issues. As I had mentioned before, I am in the market for a new neurologist. I have my eye on a woman neurologist at the Cleveland Clinic/Weston. Monday, I go to Miami for an MRI that looks closely at the blood vessels in my brain. Once I go over the results with Dr. Mental Illness, I expect that to be the end of the road with him. I'm considering writing a letter to the head of his department. With the hundreds of doctor appointments I have had over the past seven years, I never had an experience like that.....to the moon Dr. Alice..
I do want to apologize for not keeping in touch with anyone. It really isn't a choice when I am so sick. I feel like I lose a little bit more of myself every day that passes, without catching up.
My beautiful niece Keli and I spoke a week or two ago. We have been planning times to talk since before Christmas!!! We have made tentative dates in the past, that I just couldn't keep. I just checked on my calendar, I wrote in "Call Keli" on May 30th. I have canceled so many times, that I called even though I shouldn't have. We were only on the phone for around forty five minutes. It was so much fun catching up with my sweet niece. Unfortunately, forcing myself to call when I shouldn't have, caused me to be horribly sick, well in to the next day. On the flip side, I wouldn't take a minute of it back. Chances are, that if I called when it was a good time for me, it wouldn't have been for Kel. We had so much to catch up on, and we still have a few more chapters to go in upcoming calls. It was so much fun...really fun!!! (Keli is a college professor doing research that aligns itself with my issues and writing a blog..I love talking to her about all of this. It makes me feel alive and like I have a purpose...very powerful)
One last thing, I know most of you are too young :( to remember...but, I'm here to tell you that I am super excited that "Dallas" is on. So much fun watching again!!! When I hear the theme song, my heart races!!....I know, I don't have a life..
Now that I am feeling a little better, I am hoping my next confession is coming soon!...I need to venture out, so I can wrangle (as they would say on "Dallas") up some stories....
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