With today being Memorial Day, Jimmy decided that he REALLY wanted to have a cookout. It's funny because in over thirty years of marriage, I don't ever remember him saying "let's do this". Like most wives/moms, I would have already had the wheels in motion. When he brought this up, the other day, I have to say that I wasn't on the same page. I asked him several times over the last few days if he was sure, and he really was. I was afraid, with how my symptoms are these days, but didn't want to take that away from him.
Today was simple Simon, my parents, Ryan and Liz. We had the normal cookout food and there was minimal prep involved.
I have been more sick the last six months or so. Recently, I wrote a post about going to visit Brayden, Gabby and Maks. In it I wrote how difficult the entire process is, from getting myself together to ending up back in bed, very sick. I also wrote that when I am at my new level of "best", I have to go, regardless. If not, I wouldn't get to spend time with the kisses...I mean kids.
I was, as DeNiro would say "a little bit" nervous..yeah, a little bit. I love, love, love seeing everyone, but know that these days are more of a struggle, then prior to these past six months.
I know Ry and Liz are reading this...Hi guys!! As usual, no matter the price, I am so happy they all came. If I had to do over, I would do it in a heartbeat. I don't want Ryan and Liz to think I am complaining that we had them over. It was the right decision and really enjoyed catching up with them...always fun.
Like always, it was really hard on me today, really hard. With my crazy sleeping, I set my alarm for 2:00 pm. I needed so much more sleep, but had to start to get myself together (such a joke) and some prepping of the food too. Knowing that they were coming today, I made sure I took a shower yesterday. This is my plan if I am leaving the house or if my family is coming over. Shower the day before, flat iron this mop the day of. Both in the same day would be too hard on my arms and overall stamina. It was such a rough start today, I seriously considered leaving my nightgown on. Lucky for them, I did change in to clothes. The flat iron - wasn't happening. I picked it up and with my symptoms going down so fast, I knew to walk away. UGH, I thought I would just flat iron the front, then pull it back. I looked absolutely horrible. My original plan was to go all Bobbi Brown/Trish McEvoy/Maybelline "Great Lash" on my face, but just one look in the mirror and I knew not to bother. I hate looking like I do...unrecognizable. Between my colorless face, tremendous weight gain and my hair completely untamed...yuck! I don't know how Jimmy can stand to come home from work every night, seeing the total mess that I am ... flat in bed, like when he left for work. Lucky for me, he has taken "in sickness and health" seriously. I feel like he is the unlucky one in this marriage. He definitely got the short end of the stick. OH, I can hear all the "poor Jimmy's" out there...at this point, I have to agree.
When everyone left, It was my typical, "oh my God, oh my God" trying to get on my back as soon as possible. I cannot possibly convey how upsetting it is, when my symptoms skyrocket with the least bit of energy exerted....especially when it is family related. Once in bed, I had to cave and take pain medication. The worst part of this, is that I am pushed over the edge every time I see the kids. It used to be, that I would have occasional days where it was much more bearable. I would invite everyone over, without hesitation. Some days were hard, but at least it was a gamble. These days, it is more of a sure bet...and that is so disheartening.
I guess I'm still in the Ricky Ricardo 'splainin/complainin' mode from this past week.
I feel bad writing another woe is me post. It wasn't my intention when I sat here at the computer. There were several things I wanted to write about. I feel like this is garbled and pointless. Over the past week, I had several things I wanted to talk about, but was waiting for the seven day diary to end. It ended, and I am still singing the blues.
Several times over the past year, I have said that I don't want this blog to be an outlet for complaining. It needs to be balanced between being as honest as possible about my conditions, for the very sick readers, yet still remind everyone that we all have have so many reasons to be grateful, sick or not. I've asked Ryan if this blog appears to be one long pity party. He said absolutely not....and he promised to tell me if people start talking about me behind my back :) Hopefully, he will remove the computer from our house if needed!
I have to talk about my extraordinary family, but that is going to take up an entire post. There is so much to say about my friends and family, and on the flip side, all the chronically ill that have no support from their families. I would die without it. As much as I am looking forward to writing about it, I am not sure if I can articulate the point I want to make. With luck, it will be one of those posts that comes flying through my fingertips to the keyboard.
It is after midnight now, but I have to say a rip roarin' Happy Seventh Anniversary to Chris and Danielle!! Hoping you had a great time at Disneyworld this weekend. Endless hugs and kisses to you both!!!
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