I have been having such a hard time physically/emotionally lately. Last night, against my better judgement, we went to a Key Westy type of restaurant, near the beach. It is the kind of place that makes me feel like I just flew down from PA to have dinner with the rest of the tourists. I love the vibe! Anyway, I wasn't up to making dinner and was thinking we would just order in. Jimmy brought up Bonefish Macs and I (pun intended) took the bait.
At first, it was great, since we sat outside and the weather was absolutely beautiful. Before long, I knew I should have stuck with my gut feeling and stayed home. UGH....then came the water works. This scenario happens almost every time we go out to eat. On one hand it is so great to be out of the house, enjoying the beautiful weather and fresh air, then on the other hand, it gets so depressing when I begin to dive.
It is funny, because I posted that I was at this place on FB. I had never done that before, but thought "hhhmmm, I'm someplace...and, I'm telling everyone". I was surprised to see some comments and "likes" under the FB post. It made me laugh! Carol Schaeber said to have a dark beer for her...the funny thing is that I did have a very dark beer....diet root beer to be exact. I wasn't feeling well enough to have a drink drink. Laurie's and Gina's posts mentioned having drinks too....I'm such a dud these days. So, my friends, that is why when I am out and feeling pretty good, I make up for lost time and order a Long Island Iced Tea :)
While I was there, and diving, I could feel my head fill up with pressure. So intense! It was either from leaking spinal cord fluid or my autonomic issue, which causes the blood from my brain, heart and lungs to drop to my legs when I am vertical. The pressure was heavy and unlike a headache. Once we got in the car, I had to recline the seat. I was wishing I could stand on my head. Just having the seat reclined, I could feel things shift in my head.
Going out is bittersweet. I am just going through a phase where I am so sick of it all. It is unbearable being shackled to this house...I wish I could find the words or an analogy to really describe what this life is like. However, I feel like I can't write the previous sentence without saying that I know there are so many that are much, much worse off than I am....I have to keep it in perspective.
I am so ridiculously behind in returning phone calls and keeping in touch with all the amazing friends I have accumulated in my life. It is yet another horribly frustrating aspect of my mess. Feeling so sick, I cannot pick up the phone and sound at all like myself...or what myself used to sound like. When I do, I call. For those that I catch up with once in a blue moon, I know that I do sound like my old self. That is the reason I call at those times, and those times only. Other than that, I am living in a heavy brain fog, with insane fatigue and a big fat ETC, ETC, ETC... You all know who you are, and I am so sorry that I have been off the radar.
I'm happy to say that I don't have any doctor appointments this coming week. My to do list consists of birthday shopping for my unbelievably adorable little Gabby (no, she wasn't named after me)...she is going to be three this month. Such a cuddly little dollbaby...my Gabby! I'm happy I am ending on such a sweet note...now I can look forward to sweet dreams....good night...
THIS JUST IN.... my playlist is playing Adele's "Someone Like You", which is one of Gabby's favorite songs. I babysat for Gabby and Maks (1 1/2 yrs.) one afternoon last week. Gabby wanted to play this song on my phone. We were on the sofa and Maks was molded in to my body on my left side and Gabby was doing the same on the right side. I was singing along as loud as I could and they were singing with me...we were laughing and singing, they were staring in to my eyes, and Gabby was singing with her nose touching mine....it was a precious Kodak moment that I won't ever forget...uh oh, here come the tears again....but sweet, happy tears.... XO to Mimi's angels..
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