A couple of weights lifted...

First things first...so happy to have finally started writing in my other blog again.  I had it going for a while and loved having a place to really get down to the nitty gritty.  When I realized that it was the first thing to pop up, when my name was googled, I immediately erased all of the posts. Although, I did save them for myself, for future reference and comparisons.  Not that I expect anyone to be googling my name, but I had no idea just how public it was...and easy to access. My thoughts were too revealing to share in such a public forum.

For whatever reason, it has taken me several months to finally start a new one.  This time, I was careful to set it to the highest privacy level. This new blog is more private, and I only want others in my shoes, or in a related medical position, to view it.  Last night, I contacted those that I knew would truly understand.  If I missed anyone, please e-mail me at steubercathy@yahoo.com, and I will make it available.  It feels like a weight has been lifted, just knowing I can talk about things that others understandably do not.

A few days ago, I deactivated my Facebook account....another weight lifted!  I knew of several readers that would refer to my FB info page for the link to this blog.  It was for that reason, that I held on for so long.  Like everyone, I joined to connect with some incredibly special friends from my lifetime. I will keep in touch with these gems through e-mail.  Aside from that, I have been turned off by reading some of what was written and found it disturbing, in some cases. I never engage in these FB conversations. Nonetheless, they end up on my homepage. That I don't need!  It has been a long time coming and it feels good!

Now, this is a case, where a huge weight has been put on our shoulders. I am pretty sure that I mentioned that we adopted a new dog, Rudy.  Time is flying, I think it may be almost three weeks already.  He is so lovable.  Unfortunately, there was an incident tonight that has Jimmy and I reeling.  We are seriously considering returning him to the shelter...so upsetting.  We will need to make a decision in the immediate future.  My sister-in-law, Geri, is the most dog whisperish person I know.  Tomorrow, I will have to call and get her thoughts.  This is very upsetting for us....it's only been three weeks and I am heartbroken already.

The first week we had Rudy, I took him for a walk...did you hear me??...I took the dog for a walk!!!  It was a beautiful day, and he walks so nicely that I thought I would give it a shot.  When asked, the doctor at Vanderbilt told me not to go for walks.  I love and miss taking walks so much, I had to go for it.  Round trip, we walked a half of a mile.  Needless to say, when we came home, I had to get in my PJ's and in to bed ASAP.  I felt the effects for several days following the walk.  I am so envious, when I see people out power walking.  That is one of the things I miss most, since getting sick.  Prior to everything hitting me, I was walking between four and five miles, just about every day.  I was like greased lightening....in my opinion :)  I do not regret the walk, and hoping I have another day, in the not too distant future, when I can take a walk again....love it! (it isn't that I cannot walk, it is just too rigorous of an exercise for my condition)

I am looking forward to my next appointment with my endocrinologist.  Now that I am giving myself insulin shots, I am surprised that I am not seeing any improvement in my daily blood sugar numbers.  Every three days, I increase the dose by two.  I began at 5 and am now at 31.  In two days, I will no doubt have to up it another two.  The last time I met with this dr., Dr. Mohan, he gave me some disturbing numbers (kidney, liver and diabetes AIC) from my latest blood work.  I was too shocked to think of questions. I am equipped with a lot of questions and am looking forward to seeing Dr. Mohan, to better understand why everything went drastically downhill, in just a few months. 

Last Saturday, I had a complete meltdown...again.  I was a blubbering mess for two hours. I had to unload on Poor Jimmy about my condition and worries. After the worst was over, we went to one of our favorite restaurants, Big Bear.  I know I always joke about ordering a Long Island Ice Tea, but this time I really did! I sat at the bar and couldn't get the words out fast enough, when the bartender walked up. It was a beautiful night to sit outside. All in all it was just what the doctor ordered.  As usual, by the end of the meal, I had to get home and in bed as soon as I could. 

I am still going to bed every night, with my plans for "tomorrow".  Every "tomorrow", I wake up and know it is just another day, just like all the rest. I guess it doesn't hurt to have plans, just in case.

When Jimmy came home tonight, we didn't have anything in the house to make for dinner.  I really wasn't up to going out, but we went to a new chain burger place that just opened, right around the corner.  It is called Wayback Burger....two thumbs down :(  Just in Coral Springs, we have Five Guys, Smashburger, Elevation Burger, CG Burger and now Wayback.  I believe they are all chains.  Since it wasn't a good night for me to go out, I just wanted to get in and out ASAP. I ordered a grilled chicken sandwich and it was so rubbery...a rubber chicken...yuck!  I asked the girls that work there if it was any good and, in unison, they said..."YES, really great"....missed opportunity..I should have asked them how I looked!  I felt like it was a waste of my energy, but Jimmy was happy to get me out of the house.  I guess I would have to agree with him.  Since leaving this prison is always a self induced prom-night-type-event, I  haphazardly (understatement) put on my make-up, my special perfume and earrings...such a joke! 

I wish I could say another weight...literal weight... has been lifted.  This is a daily struggle for me....morning, noon and night, alone with absolutely no activity...l find myself in the kitchen..."Someone's In The Kitchen With Dinah" yeah, it's me...sorry that ancient song just popped in to my mushy ADD brain!

That wraps it up for tonight. I will write when we know which direction to go with little Rudy :(