Stopping by for a minute...

A minute?? ... and, they say it couldn't be done...

I wanted to take a second to wish my daughter-in-law, Liz, an over the top, Happy, Happy Birthday today!!!  Love that we have Liz on team Steuber!!  HOLLA!

In true form....and, as I said to Ryan ten times earlier..."oh, and one more thing"....

 I read over my last blog and had to laugh at one particular sentence, when I was writing about finding an employer..."With the right match, it would be mutually beneficial"... I don't know how those words could enter my brain, no less flow through my fingers on to the keyboard.  I'm not thinking it would be so "mutual"!  That same day, I got so sick just from taking a shower.  Finding the perfect job???....it definitely does not add up on paper, but not throwing in the towel yet.

I have received some employment ideas and hoping that something will come together. Keep them coming...they are so appreciated!

From time to time, I'll browse through other blogs on blogger.com.  I'm puzzled as to why all others are short and sweet and mine go on, and on, and on......?!?!??!

Today is not a good day, so I'm going to "conform"! 

Back to bed.....

Missing the blog....

Once again, time has flown right past me.  The last time I posted, I was hoping to continue to write once or twice per week.  I blinked, and now it is two weeks later.

I'm here tonight and, ONCE AGAIN, hoping to be writing on a more regular basis.

For several months, I have been trying to come up with a way to get back in to the work force and actually generate some income.  With my issues, it is almost impossible to come up with an appropriate match for the new me. I write "almost impossible", rather than "impossible", because I do believe that I can be of value to some type of business. I really believe it...it is a fact, I'm certain!  The problem is that my new limitations put me in a less than desirable light for potential employers.  I am looking for an amazing saint that would understand my issues, but still work with me.  With the right match, it would be mutually beneficial.


The absolute perfect job for me would be back in the interior design/decorating field.  As I have said in previous posts, family and laughter is the best medicine, then I added music, and now I am adding my love of interior design.  Danielle and Liz (daugther's-in-law) have asked for some help lately, and I have to say it was woo hoo exhilarating!!!!!  SO MUCH FUN!!!!!!!  Now I remember how I spent endless hours at my shop for years on end.  When you love what you do so much, it isn't work at all.


I would LOVE to work behind the scenes for a (saint) designer.  If she/he could bring me their jobs, let me get to work putting together paint colors, floor plans, furniture, fabric, accessories, etc., then I would have everything packed and ready for them to take to their follow up appointment.  I know I am a dreamer...maybe I should be dreaming of Jeannie for backup. This type of position would be an absolutely perfect part time job.  Honestly, I cannot believe that there is a designer out there "dreaming" that someone in my unique position is looking for work.  If only.....

In all honesty, I am talking a big game, and not entirely sure I could deliver.  It does scare me and I would have my answer after the first day.  This is all really a dream...I think "dream" is the word of the day! I need to try and risk failing, rather than not do all I can to get a shot at an opportunity.  If I fail, I want it to be "in my face", then I will know and that will be that.  At this point, my cup is half full (of Long Island Ice Tea...still dreaming :)


Other than that, I have looked on Monster to get an idea of what is out there.  UGH!  Nothing whatsoever is a fit for me.  If I could find work from home, that would be great too...but doing what???  I know there is a lid for this (crack) pot, but finding it may be like looking for a needle in a haystack. 


For now, this is my obsession.  If anyone has any suggestions, please pass them on!!  Also, suggestions for local designers that I could contact would be great too.


For the longest time, my cell phone has been on the fritz....dropping words, and calls....hey, I have a lot to say!  Such a headache!!! Since I rarely leave the house, I have been relying on my house phone.  It has taken me months and months, but I finally went to Verizon yesterday to get a replacement.  With a free upgrade and gift certificates, I bought an Apple smart phone.....and, let me tell you I am all that!!!!  This phone is SO much fun!!!!!  Yesterday, not so much....but, thanks to my son Chris, I am crazy-go-nuts over it today!!!  I am sure that you all are light years ahead of me, but I am in awe of this thing!....I know, I am showing my stone age.


Chris showed me the app for "Pandora".  I was under the impression it was to pick up radio stations....oooohhh noooo...so much more!  I created my own "stations" by entering the name of an artist..ooohhh, let's say I randomly picked..oh, I guess...Bruce Springsteen.  It created a station with Springsteen songs, along with other artists that are similar.  Now, I have a Springsteen station, Coldplay station, Neil Young, Adele, Grateful Dead, Tom Petty, etc....now for those that really know me, you don't think I don't have a "Les Miserable" or "Rent" station, do you???  I thought my head was going to explode!!!  Well, I guess this should give you an idea of just how exciting my life really is!!  Note to Erica....imagine explaining one of these phones to "Aunt Mary"...that was Chris today...I thought he was going to put me in time 
out .......in a nursing home :)


I want to give an update on my mother.  She is doing remarkably well.  To my surprise (and horror), she drove the other day.  Of course, she made this brave move when my father wasn't home to stop her.  To be honest, I am not comfortable at all with her driving.  I know my father is trying to hold her back as long as he can.  She has had some really good days.  I cannot say if she will get back to her old self, but time will tell.  She does have multiple myeloma, but she is stage one and the doctor said it progresses very slow.  It appears that her horrible decline was due to the steroid treatment she was on.  She is not at all one hundred percent, but the improvement has been remarkable...absolutely amazing since mid-December.


Earlier today, Chris, Danielle and the kids came for a short time.  My parents came over so they could see Brayden, Gabby and Maks.   I was astonished at my mother's active interaction with them.  She hasn't been up to that type of activity since early November.  Although, when they left, it was a sudden "we have to go" and they were outta' here.  I am sure she was exhausted when she got home. With my issues, I understand so many of hers.  No doubt, she was too active with the kids today and hit a brick wall.  I'll call to see how she is, but not sure if she'll be honest.  We are having a real tug-of-war with the truth between us.  It goes both ways, what I am willing to share with her (trying not to upset her) and her with me.  We are too much alike and super over-protective of each other. In a perfect world, I could be the over protective one and she not worry about me...again, dreaming!


As hard as it is to believe, today is Phil and Laura's First Anniversary!!!  Congratulations to you honeymooners!  Wishing you both a beautiful and romantic anniversary in Myrtle Beach!  We are all looking forward to the official celebration this summer.  All of our anniversaries .... all thirty.... have been extra special.  I'm sure you will have the same and love them as much as Dad and I.  Dad still tells me "Happy Anniversary" every month on the thirteenth.. ..still so special and significant! I know you both "get it" XO


I'm going to get going, and hoping to be back in a few days....
Love from Aunt Mary

Back in the groove...

...or, so I think!  It is hard to believe that it has been an entire month since I last posted.  I never intended to take such a long break.

For the record, I have taken my parents off of my auto notification list.  It has come back to me that my mom sometimes gets depressed, if I write about the not so great days.  There is no need for her to read anything remotely negative.  As I mention my parents from time to time,  be assured that they are not reading the blog. 

It has been a crazy two months with my mom's health issues.  Emotions ranging from one extreme to the other.  Since mid-December, my mother has been to hell and almost back.  She has suffered horribly and we were all frozen with fear one month ago.  My mom's oncologist has had her on a heavy dose of steroids.  We are hoping that they were the primary culprit with her rapidly, deteriorating health.  She has stopped taking them and it will be another week or two before they are entirely out of her system.  She is still dealing with several issues.  It remains to be seen how much improvement we can expect, once she is steroid free.  I am still very concerned.  It is obvious that she will not be the amazing dynamo she was prior to Thanksgiving.  However, after seeing her at her worst last month, I am grateful for even the slightest improvement.  Behind closed doors, when she is alone with my father, she confesses how sick and scared she is.  On the phone with the rest of us, she does her best to put on a good front, although usually not too convincing.


Today was my birthday...UGH ~ Fi..Fi..Fi..Fifty..dry heave...Five!!!  Where did that come from????  The good news, is that my father brought my mom over later in the afternoon. I was so surprised and thrilled to see them.  My mom looked pretty good, by her new standards, but she wasn't doing too good.  Every time I asked her questions about her different symptoms, she wouldn't answer.  I think it was one of those things where she just pushed herself to get here for my BD.  I get it...and do the same, when I feel the need.


So, now that my parents no longer have access to the blog (they don't know about the link), I'll be touching on this from time to time


After my parents left, Chris, Danielle, Brayden, Gabby and Maks came and brought a traveling birthday party to my house with delicious cupcakes with pink icing (Gabby picked the color:)  They were delicious...oh, and the cupcakes were too!  Nothing feels as good as kisses and hugs with these precious little angels.  They give me such an emotional lift...What is that old, old song...something like "I've got my girl, who could ask for anything more??"..I've got my Gabby, Brayden & Maks, who could ask for anything more????"...Not I!


I apologize to all those that I owe e-mails to.  It seems I have gotten worse and worse at getting back.  The problem is, believe it or not, I have so much to say....I know..really! I need to take time to collect my thoughts before writing, thus procrastinating!!  I'm working on getting back to everyone either through e-mail or a telephone call. Dina Ellen...I'm coming after you next!!!!!!!

Christmas was difficult for me, much like last year.  I feel horrible complaining, when I have so much to be grateful for.  My issues were two fold.  Last year and this year, I just didn't have the energy to go all out in decorating, making everything as special as possible or in making an exciting holiday meal.  I love doing all of this so incredibly much.  It seems like I lost that part of me, that I have enjoyed tremendously for the past thirty years.  Even though I am an adult, there has always been a special magic for me at the holidays.  I feel that I have lost that completely and it makes the holidays hard on me, emotionally.  It is just another casualty of being chronically ill.  To most people, I'm sure this sounds so trivial, but to me it is huge loss.... I really want me back...


The other issue this year, obviously, was going through the holidays with my mom so ill.  Christmas Eve was so hard and sad for me.  I kept sitting next to my mother.  The few conversations we began, just fizzled in to nothing.  It tore my heart out.  She was incredibly weak and affected by a specific blood pressure medication. For the most part, I don't feel like this woman is my mother, only sick.  It is like a completely different person and I feel lost when I am with her.  Don't get me wrong, there are some high points during phone calls where she almost sounds like herself.  When that happens, I savor every minute.

I cannot talk about Christmas as been completely gloomy/doomy...I have grandchildren you know!!!  Again, they take my heart and lift it up, without even knowing it.  Chris and Danielle went out of their way to have a beautiful Christmas Eve at their house.  Everything was beautiful and delicious. I love our family so much....there are no words...and you all know who you are!  Also, we were lucky enough to have my sister Nancy here for Christmas this year...the more the merrier!

Last week I had one of my best doctor appointments EVER, with my immunologist at the University of Miami.  She spent approximately two hours with me and helped me understand more of what is going on with my "mind of its own" body.  It was incredibly informative, not all good news to hear, but still an information packed appointment.  I'm not going to get in to all that in this post, since this is getting long already.  I will talk about it in depth in the next post or two.

Lastly, Jimmy and I decided to go to a local steak house, Runyon's, for my birthday dinner tonight.  Unfortunately, with my health issues, we always have to eat at places close to home.  Needless to say, that narrows down the options.  Everything was very nice and I had two drinks...if only they served them with funnels!  It was just what the doctor ordered.  After dinner, they brought out dessert with a candle.  For the first time, since I was probably ten, I actually made a wish.  I was surprised when Jimmy asked what my wish was.  I know it supposedly won't come true if I say it out loud, but you know me.  My wish was simply to be happy.  Happy no matter what turns my health takes, happy with all the time I get to see my parents and kids, and the cuties!  Just trying to be happy no matter what life throws at us.  Over the last two years, more has been thrown at us than you all know.  I am really going to try to keep my chin up and focus on what I DO have.  No doubt, there will be times when I slip and have a pity party, but I'll need to bounce back as soon as I can.

Thank you to everyone for your sweet birthday messages, through calls, text messages, voice mail messages and endless Facebook messages, both private and public.  You all made my day and lifted me up.  Hey....let's do this again tomorrow!!!

I'm so happy to be back...hopefully, I'll be able to keep this ball in the air!  It has been a long month since I was last on and I have to say I am diggin' my playlist!!  Music is right up there with laughter AND GRANDCHILDREN, as the best medicine ~ Adele is serenading me at the moment, as I am holding off on clicking on "publish post"!  Okay, she is done ... I'm outta' here before the next song starts!
XO
Cathy