First, I am really happy, and a little full of myself, that I am writing again so soon....medicated?..yes, but that usually isn't enough to get myself on the computer and writing. Tick..tock..I'll have to make this one fast.
I am very sick, every hour of every day. Here and there I have days that are just through the roof horrible. Yesterday was one of those. So much so, late last night, I was considering going to the ER. It is ridiculous that I would ever think, for a second, that they could help me. I know better. It was a case of desperation and wishful thinking, hoping that they could do something to make me more comfortable. Today, I am more like my "normal".
Yesterday, Chris said they would like to bring the kids over today, if I felt up to it. ALWAYS, an offer too hard to refuse. Thankfully, when I woke up today, around 3:30 pm, and after an hour or so, I felt I was up to it. There is nothing in this world, like seeing their beautiful little faces coming up to our front door. They are my drug of choice...love them so much. As it turned out, my mother called from a local store, asking if she could stop by. She didn't stay long, but it was great to see her too.
I have to tell you about a new show that I am really excited about. It is on TNT, called "Monday Mornings", and is on Monday nights. Sanjay Gupta, the CNN medical correspondent, wrote a novel by the same name. I believe it came out in 2012. The book is fiction, but based on his experience as a neurosurgeon. Apparently, the surgeons meet every Monday morning. At these meetings, they go over cases gone wrong from the previous week.
David E. Kelley is the creator of the show, along with Sanjay Gupta. I knew, between the two, this would have to be a great show. The first episode was on last Monday.
What I appreciate, is that they show the ego and arrogance that many doctors have. I have seen this too many times, since I got sick. My own stories are sometimes hard to believe. So often, I wished I had a hidden camera for 20/20 on me. I actually had two doctors tell me they only wanted me to tell them my singular worst symptom...what?? They wouldn't allow me to tell them more than one!!! They completely caught me off guard, so I didn't react like I should have. Recently, I had an appointment with a new internist. I thought it would be a good idea to have one doctor, that would oversee all of my health issues. He point blank told me he didn't want to hear about any of my conditions or diagnosis's. His words were "I cannot compete with the specialists, leave that to them". He went so far as to tell me that he is the guy to see if I get the flu. I have SO many stories like these examples, I could write a book on that alone. Luckily, I do have some really great doctors..cardiologist, endocrinologist, gastroenterologist...fingers crossed, my new neurologist too.
In this show, you see the good and bad in doctors. It is only a half an hour long, but it seemed like it lasted an hour. Very good, and realistic. It seems more like a real life documentary, than the medical dramas we are used to seeing on TV. I love that it exposes the fact that there are doctors that should not be practicing. Again, I have had this experience so many times! I guess I feel that this show validates all that I have been saying, for the past several years. Anyway...just my two cents..
I better get back to bed...just had to jump at the chance to write, while I am up to it....good night!
Sunday, February 10, 2013
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Trying to keep up....
Tonight, I decided to write a short post. It would mean so much to me, if I could write every few day. For me, that is ambitious, but I will do my best.
I know I should read my previous posts, prior to writing. It would help to know where I left off and what I wrote, so I do not repeat the same old stories. It takes a lot of energy for me to be sitting upright at the computer, so I never look at past posts....sorry!
Over the past year, I have gotten much sicker. After six or more months of worsening/new symptoms, I know they are here to stay. Obviously, that's never a fun realization. Nonetheless, there was a definite progression over the length of 2012. From talking to my neurologist and immunologist, I know that this is most definitely a one way street. Regardless, it is always discouraging when the time comes that I have to admit I have a new normal.
I have come to a point, where I have been canceling my doctor appointments, left and right. They are just too hard and grueling these days. So, so hard on me. This Thursday, I have an appointment with my endocrinologist. My son, Ryan, will be home and available to drive me. This will be a big help and I am so grateful.
Our poor new pooch, Molly, has been under the weather. She didn't seem sick, when we first brought her home. It is funny, because we couldn't believe how well behaved she was when we got her, considering she is only two. Well, "poochy" is starting to feel better and we are now meeting the real Molly. Yowza...her energy and excitement is boundless, unlike the Mr. and Mrs.!!!! We are so lucky that she is perfectly house trained. If there is one thing we have learned, is DO NOT TAKE OUT THE TENNIS BALL!! What is it with dogs and tennis balls??? She needs tennis ball withdrawal therapy! Molly jumps on my bed and sometimes, I'll throw it from my bed down the hallway. That works...you would think! She ends up jumping on my bed, dropping the ball on to the floor and barks until I, yes I get up and pick it up....rosta ruck! We have been in a bit of high energy shock the past few days, but she is still a good girl. It feels SO good to give her tight, tight hugs. I missed that so much! She is so sweet and will be with us for a long, long time.
I do remember, in my last post, that I mentioned that Ceal sent me Les Mis! Jimmy and I watched it the other day. I was really sick, and our DVD player is in my living room. Knowing that I needed to be in my bed, I wasn't sure if we should have watched it then or not. Once the music started, my adrenaline when through the roof. At one point, Jimmy had to take out Molly, so I went to bed, until they were back. From the beginning of the movie, and especially at the end, I cried buckets...I couldn't see much beyond my tear filled eyes, but I think Jimmy was right behind me....of course, he would deny it! The movie took my breath away..and water weight! It brought me back to all of my first row visits to Broadway. I hope you all get to see it. If anyone wants to come and watch it with me, Ceal sent lots of popcorn!
I know this post is not action packed. Hoping to stop in once or twice a week to write again. It is good for me to write, and sometimes I might even have a story!
XO
Cathy..., no, Fantine
ps~ not to kick a dead horse, but I love my family...so blessed
I know I should read my previous posts, prior to writing. It would help to know where I left off and what I wrote, so I do not repeat the same old stories. It takes a lot of energy for me to be sitting upright at the computer, so I never look at past posts....sorry!
Over the past year, I have gotten much sicker. After six or more months of worsening/new symptoms, I know they are here to stay. Obviously, that's never a fun realization. Nonetheless, there was a definite progression over the length of 2012. From talking to my neurologist and immunologist, I know that this is most definitely a one way street. Regardless, it is always discouraging when the time comes that I have to admit I have a new normal.
I have come to a point, where I have been canceling my doctor appointments, left and right. They are just too hard and grueling these days. So, so hard on me. This Thursday, I have an appointment with my endocrinologist. My son, Ryan, will be home and available to drive me. This will be a big help and I am so grateful.
Our poor new pooch, Molly, has been under the weather. She didn't seem sick, when we first brought her home. It is funny, because we couldn't believe how well behaved she was when we got her, considering she is only two. Well, "poochy" is starting to feel better and we are now meeting the real Molly. Yowza...her energy and excitement is boundless, unlike the Mr. and Mrs.!!!! We are so lucky that she is perfectly house trained. If there is one thing we have learned, is DO NOT TAKE OUT THE TENNIS BALL!! What is it with dogs and tennis balls??? She needs tennis ball withdrawal therapy! Molly jumps on my bed and sometimes, I'll throw it from my bed down the hallway. That works...you would think! She ends up jumping on my bed, dropping the ball on to the floor and barks until I, yes I get up and pick it up....rosta ruck! We have been in a bit of high energy shock the past few days, but she is still a good girl. It feels SO good to give her tight, tight hugs. I missed that so much! She is so sweet and will be with us for a long, long time.
I do remember, in my last post, that I mentioned that Ceal sent me Les Mis! Jimmy and I watched it the other day. I was really sick, and our DVD player is in my living room. Knowing that I needed to be in my bed, I wasn't sure if we should have watched it then or not. Once the music started, my adrenaline when through the roof. At one point, Jimmy had to take out Molly, so I went to bed, until they were back. From the beginning of the movie, and especially at the end, I cried buckets...I couldn't see much beyond my tear filled eyes, but I think Jimmy was right behind me....of course, he would deny it! The movie took my breath away..and water weight! It brought me back to all of my first row visits to Broadway. I hope you all get to see it. If anyone wants to come and watch it with me, Ceal sent lots of popcorn!
I know this post is not action packed. Hoping to stop in once or twice a week to write again. It is good for me to write, and sometimes I might even have a story!
XO
Cathy..., no, Fantine
ps~ not to kick a dead horse, but I love my family...so blessed
Friday, February 1, 2013
Johnny come lately...
AGAIN, I have let so much time slip by since my last post. So often, I lie in bed knowing exactly what I would like to blog about, but just haven't been up to spending so much vertical time at the computer. I know I repeat myself...I could just hear the laughs..., but I wish I could telepathically blog and talk to my friends and family. It wouldn't exhaust me and I would be enjoying all the special people in my life.
I have several letters I need to write to some very special friends and family. Earlier tonight, I came in and wrote two, which is a major accomplishment these days. That was a few hours ago. I am surprised and elated that I am up to posting tonight. It has been so long, and I have had so much that I wanted to write about, over the past few months.
As you can imagine, I cannot remember what I thought was so important. I will try to catch you up...warning....I do not do bullet points!
I didn't take the time to read my last posts regarding the dog drama. Moose died in October (we still cannot mention his name without our eyes filling up...my sweet buddy) and we have been through four dogs, before finding my perfect peachy pooch last week. PERFECT, PERFECT, PERFECT!!!!
My sister was working like crazy, from New Jersey, constantly checking on lab and golden rescue sites, along with breeders and every other imaginable avenue. A problem that we had with two different short term visitors, was that they were trained to only go freestyle in a fenced yard. We do not have a fenced yard. Since these two dogs were strays with no boundaries, going in fenced yards is all they knew from their foster homes. When we got them home, they would not go while on a leash, and only a few feet from us. Our favorite rug, seemed to be theirs too!
With my health problems, it was impossible for me to take "Jenny" and, later, "Tobey" out several times a day, for them only to come in and do their thing. Jimmy worked so hard, for six weeks, on Tobey. He spent hours every day, but I couldn't continue with such untrained dogs. If I were well, it would not have been that much of a problem, since I could have worked hard on it during the day.
Sooooo, years ago, we had a yellow lab mix, Molly. She lived to be thirteen/fourteen. We rescued Moose a few months before Molly got sick. Moose was a black lab mix. We've always had lab mixes, so that was where my concentration was for my search....along with the golden rescues.
It has been very hard for me to get out of the house to go here and there meeting dogs at foster homes, so that has really prolonged the process. In the meantime, I desperately missed the presence of that special kind of love in our house.
Last week, Jimmy took me to a doctor appointment in Miami. The night before, I was scrolling through the available dogs in the local shelters. I found another "Molly", but this one was a black lab, like Moose. When we stopped on our way home, I immediately went to meet Molly. She was jumping and barking like crazy. I said "no way", then went on to meet the others. The woman helping us, asked us to consider Molly and take her out to their courtyard. I sat on the bench, while Jimmy played with her....it was love at first sight...hhmm, I wonder if that ever happened to Jimmy before?!?!?
We took her home and have been astonished at her incredibly mellow temperament, especially for a two year old! Wherever she lived prior to the shelter, must have been an extremely loving home. She is so sweet and well behaved....and, perfectly house trained. Jimmy and I both need her, for different reasons....and much more than she needs us!
I know I am a dreamer, but I am convinced that Molly and Moose conspired, in doggie heaven, to send us this perfectly trained dog. I look back to when she was so hyperactive when we first saw her, and wonder if she knew we were coming and was so excited when we showed up. Since then, she has been as calm and mellow as any dog I have ever seen. Another great thing is that she is so relaxed and happy around my sweet grandchildren. It is like we have always had her. Moose's black color and Molly's name...so perfect! In the past, we have always adopted lab mixes. This time, we have Molly Von Pure Bred...la di dah! Sorry for my long story, but had to get that out of the way.
It has been a crazy few months. I am so much sicker. It can get really scary. These days, I get much sicker, after exerting the least bit of energy. During the past few months, I went through my bi-annual depression. Same as always, lasted approximately six weeks. So, so happy that is behind me. In my defense, when I am at my sickest, it definitely affects my emotional state.
My birthday was almost two weeks ago. I was dreading it. When doing as poorly as I had been, I really didn't want anyone to come over, no cake...I just wanted it behind me, to stay in bed and just get through the day, like all the others. I did not want to have to put on a happy face, times were just too rough.
Danielle, weaseled her way in to my heart by asking if they could bring the kids over to see me on my birthday, and they would bring cupcakes. I love, love birthdays with the kids...no matter who is actually having a birthday. They get so excited, and belly on up to the table all ready to blow out the candles. The thoughts of their beautiful faces, in the birthday candle light made me tell Danielle to come on over. I couldn't resist...Danielle gave me an offer I couldn't refuse!
As it turned out, my parents stopped over, then later Ryan and Liz. We didn't have any dinner, just talked and had cupcakes. Considering all of my current issues, this ended up to be possibly the best birthday I ever had. It couldn't have been more simple and it was wonderful to see everyone's faces. I surprised myself! A perfectly suited special day for my circumstances. A love filled day...that sounds corny doesn't it???...but, it to me it was!
The other day, Ceal, my oldest and best friend....approximately fifty years now, sent me a gift for my birthday. We stopped exchanging years ago and couldn't imagine what was in the box. When I opened it, it had several bags of microwave popcorn, several boxes of movie candy AND.....drumroll......a copy of the Les Miserable movie!!!! Everyone that knows me, knows what a Les Mis fanatic I am. I think I saw it thirteen times, over several years. When they were running the commercials for the movie last month, I had chills and my eyes filled up. I wanted to see it SO bad. Ceal wrote in her note that she knew how much I would want to see it, but probably wouldn't be able to go to the theater. She was so right, I wanted to see it, but knew I couldn't hold out, sitting upright in one position for the length of the movie. Of course, my eyes filled up....and, then some :**) This was one of the most thoughtful gifts I have ever received...so perfect...so me! I am so blessed to be surrounded by love and support from every direction.
My sister, Nancy, rented a large home on the beach. She had it for the first three weeks in December. My sweet cousin, Joan came also, for the first nine days. Again, it has been such hard times lately. It doesn't really matter who comes, I am not up to too many visits. I think I saw Nancy four times in three weeks and Joan twice. It does break my heart, that such special people in my life were here and I cannot "have a day off" and enjoy time with them on the beach, at fun restaurants, etc.
Then, on the back end, my sister-in-law, Lisa, came down for five days in January. Again, very exciting to get to sit, face to face and talk and talk and talk...hey....Lisa is such a gabber! I am not sure, but I think I saw Lisa twice. The first time, she came over at night. I was in my pj's, crazy hair, not doing well, but sat in the recliner and caught up with her. In fact, Lisa stayed over too! I am so happy we got in such a good visit, but it was hard and I was diving fast. Lisa left when she woke up, since I was probably going to be sleeping all day.
The last night Lisa was here, Ryan and Liz had a combined thirtieth birthday party with a redneck theme. I am here to tell you that I am a convert!!!! I went to the party in my PJ pants, camisole with a short robe....hair in curlers. Just before going, we stopped to see my sweeties. Danielle had the best idea for my "look". She had an airport sized bottle of Wild Turkey. I put it in my barely there cleavage, with a flexible straw that came and right to my lips...oh and Tammy Faye Baker make up too. It was so much fun to look so horrible and fit in! I have to say, I am a little concerned at how much I loved the look! That night was so much fun. We really missed Phil and Laura :(, but they were busy celebrating their second anniversary skiing in North Carolina.....long overdue! I had to go in to Ry and Liz's bed here and there, but overall I did much better than expected. Of course, once I came home, the fun was over and was even sicker for days. Like any special time with my family, it was worth the price. The expression "you get what you pay for", couldn't be more appropriate...
Since I have been so sick, I have been canceling my dr appointments in December and January. Most every single day, I am too sick to go. VERY frustrating! I have several to reschedule. Hoping, spacing them at least a week apart, and having them late in the day will help....doubt it, but that's the best I can do. I just hope I can make it to the appointments and tests that are due. You cannot imagine how difficult it is for me.
So, in the end, I am still very sick. No doubt, I permanently dropped a level or two. So thankful for my family, friends and precious Molly. I love having her here with me all day and night to kiss and hug. Aside from that, I am a Words With Friends Fiend! I play so many games per day. Being ADD, I cannot believe that I am still so in to it. I need the activity, so hoping the fascination sticks!
In a perfect world, well perfect sick world, I would post twice per week. It just doesn't seem to be in the cards, at this point. I will do my best to write again very soon! So happy to be back and writing....it makes me feel "more than..." and that feels great...XO
ps ~ not sure, but I think random words in this post are in red and underlined...don't ask me why..just so you don't think you are missing a special meaning with these red words!
I have several letters I need to write to some very special friends and family. Earlier tonight, I came in and wrote two, which is a major accomplishment these days. That was a few hours ago. I am surprised and elated that I am up to posting tonight. It has been so long, and I have had so much that I wanted to write about, over the past few months.
As you can imagine, I cannot remember what I thought was so important. I will try to catch you up...warning....I do not do bullet points!
I didn't take the time to read my last posts regarding the dog drama. Moose died in October (we still cannot mention his name without our eyes filling up...my sweet buddy) and we have been through four dogs, before finding my perfect peachy pooch last week. PERFECT, PERFECT, PERFECT!!!!
My sister was working like crazy, from New Jersey, constantly checking on lab and golden rescue sites, along with breeders and every other imaginable avenue. A problem that we had with two different short term visitors, was that they were trained to only go freestyle in a fenced yard. We do not have a fenced yard. Since these two dogs were strays with no boundaries, going in fenced yards is all they knew from their foster homes. When we got them home, they would not go while on a leash, and only a few feet from us. Our favorite rug, seemed to be theirs too!
With my health problems, it was impossible for me to take "Jenny" and, later, "Tobey" out several times a day, for them only to come in and do their thing. Jimmy worked so hard, for six weeks, on Tobey. He spent hours every day, but I couldn't continue with such untrained dogs. If I were well, it would not have been that much of a problem, since I could have worked hard on it during the day.
Sooooo, years ago, we had a yellow lab mix, Molly. She lived to be thirteen/fourteen. We rescued Moose a few months before Molly got sick. Moose was a black lab mix. We've always had lab mixes, so that was where my concentration was for my search....along with the golden rescues.
It has been very hard for me to get out of the house to go here and there meeting dogs at foster homes, so that has really prolonged the process. In the meantime, I desperately missed the presence of that special kind of love in our house.
Last week, Jimmy took me to a doctor appointment in Miami. The night before, I was scrolling through the available dogs in the local shelters. I found another "Molly", but this one was a black lab, like Moose. When we stopped on our way home, I immediately went to meet Molly. She was jumping and barking like crazy. I said "no way", then went on to meet the others. The woman helping us, asked us to consider Molly and take her out to their courtyard. I sat on the bench, while Jimmy played with her....it was love at first sight...hhmm, I wonder if that ever happened to Jimmy before?!?!?
We took her home and have been astonished at her incredibly mellow temperament, especially for a two year old! Wherever she lived prior to the shelter, must have been an extremely loving home. She is so sweet and well behaved....and, perfectly house trained. Jimmy and I both need her, for different reasons....and much more than she needs us!
I know I am a dreamer, but I am convinced that Molly and Moose conspired, in doggie heaven, to send us this perfectly trained dog. I look back to when she was so hyperactive when we first saw her, and wonder if she knew we were coming and was so excited when we showed up. Since then, she has been as calm and mellow as any dog I have ever seen. Another great thing is that she is so relaxed and happy around my sweet grandchildren. It is like we have always had her. Moose's black color and Molly's name...so perfect! In the past, we have always adopted lab mixes. This time, we have Molly Von Pure Bred...la di dah! Sorry for my long story, but had to get that out of the way.
It has been a crazy few months. I am so much sicker. It can get really scary. These days, I get much sicker, after exerting the least bit of energy. During the past few months, I went through my bi-annual depression. Same as always, lasted approximately six weeks. So, so happy that is behind me. In my defense, when I am at my sickest, it definitely affects my emotional state.
My birthday was almost two weeks ago. I was dreading it. When doing as poorly as I had been, I really didn't want anyone to come over, no cake...I just wanted it behind me, to stay in bed and just get through the day, like all the others. I did not want to have to put on a happy face, times were just too rough.
Danielle, weaseled her way in to my heart by asking if they could bring the kids over to see me on my birthday, and they would bring cupcakes. I love, love birthdays with the kids...no matter who is actually having a birthday. They get so excited, and belly on up to the table all ready to blow out the candles. The thoughts of their beautiful faces, in the birthday candle light made me tell Danielle to come on over. I couldn't resist...Danielle gave me an offer I couldn't refuse!
As it turned out, my parents stopped over, then later Ryan and Liz. We didn't have any dinner, just talked and had cupcakes. Considering all of my current issues, this ended up to be possibly the best birthday I ever had. It couldn't have been more simple and it was wonderful to see everyone's faces. I surprised myself! A perfectly suited special day for my circumstances. A love filled day...that sounds corny doesn't it???...but, it to me it was!
The other day, Ceal, my oldest and best friend....approximately fifty years now, sent me a gift for my birthday. We stopped exchanging years ago and couldn't imagine what was in the box. When I opened it, it had several bags of microwave popcorn, several boxes of movie candy AND.....drumroll......a copy of the Les Miserable movie!!!! Everyone that knows me, knows what a Les Mis fanatic I am. I think I saw it thirteen times, over several years. When they were running the commercials for the movie last month, I had chills and my eyes filled up. I wanted to see it SO bad. Ceal wrote in her note that she knew how much I would want to see it, but probably wouldn't be able to go to the theater. She was so right, I wanted to see it, but knew I couldn't hold out, sitting upright in one position for the length of the movie. Of course, my eyes filled up....and, then some :**) This was one of the most thoughtful gifts I have ever received...so perfect...so me! I am so blessed to be surrounded by love and support from every direction.
My sister, Nancy, rented a large home on the beach. She had it for the first three weeks in December. My sweet cousin, Joan came also, for the first nine days. Again, it has been such hard times lately. It doesn't really matter who comes, I am not up to too many visits. I think I saw Nancy four times in three weeks and Joan twice. It does break my heart, that such special people in my life were here and I cannot "have a day off" and enjoy time with them on the beach, at fun restaurants, etc.
Then, on the back end, my sister-in-law, Lisa, came down for five days in January. Again, very exciting to get to sit, face to face and talk and talk and talk...hey....Lisa is such a gabber! I am not sure, but I think I saw Lisa twice. The first time, she came over at night. I was in my pj's, crazy hair, not doing well, but sat in the recliner and caught up with her. In fact, Lisa stayed over too! I am so happy we got in such a good visit, but it was hard and I was diving fast. Lisa left when she woke up, since I was probably going to be sleeping all day.
The last night Lisa was here, Ryan and Liz had a combined thirtieth birthday party with a redneck theme. I am here to tell you that I am a convert!!!! I went to the party in my PJ pants, camisole with a short robe....hair in curlers. Just before going, we stopped to see my sweeties. Danielle had the best idea for my "look". She had an airport sized bottle of Wild Turkey. I put it in my barely there cleavage, with a flexible straw that came and right to my lips...oh and Tammy Faye Baker make up too. It was so much fun to look so horrible and fit in! I have to say, I am a little concerned at how much I loved the look! That night was so much fun. We really missed Phil and Laura :(, but they were busy celebrating their second anniversary skiing in North Carolina.....long overdue! I had to go in to Ry and Liz's bed here and there, but overall I did much better than expected. Of course, once I came home, the fun was over and was even sicker for days. Like any special time with my family, it was worth the price. The expression "you get what you pay for", couldn't be more appropriate...
Since I have been so sick, I have been canceling my dr appointments in December and January. Most every single day, I am too sick to go. VERY frustrating! I have several to reschedule. Hoping, spacing them at least a week apart, and having them late in the day will help....doubt it, but that's the best I can do. I just hope I can make it to the appointments and tests that are due. You cannot imagine how difficult it is for me.
So, in the end, I am still very sick. No doubt, I permanently dropped a level or two. So thankful for my family, friends and precious Molly. I love having her here with me all day and night to kiss and hug. Aside from that, I am a Words With Friends Fiend! I play so many games per day. Being ADD, I cannot believe that I am still so in to it. I need the activity, so hoping the fascination sticks!
In a perfect world, well perfect sick world, I would post twice per week. It just doesn't seem to be in the cards, at this point. I will do my best to write again very soon! So happy to be back and writing....it makes me feel "more than..." and that feels great...XO
ps ~ not sure, but I think random words in this post are in red and underlined...don't ask me why..just so you don't think you are missing a special meaning with these red words!
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